Etsy as Therapy

Well, yes.  I haven't written in quite a while.  Sadly, the reason is that my headaches have continued to be an issue.  Not only has this meant I haven't been thrifting, it also means I haven't been getting dressed in "real" clothes very often; I spend most days in t shirts and shorts.  I was actually excited to pull together an outfit today and yesterday, but the bedroom is in no shape for me to start taking pictures of myself again.

This does not mean, however, that I have made no purchases at all.  In fact, jewelery has been something that I have purchased a great deal of: With accessories, such as jewelry, you can see it online, judge the length, width, size, etc, and as long as you fit that measurement, you know it will look good!

The most exciting purchase has been my eternity ring, which I got ahead of our 10th Anniversary, which is next month.  I actually received it in April, and DH has received his (a different style) as well.  Unfortunately, he has to resize it (NOT our fault), but it is a lovely ring.  The ring I got was a narrow (2m) rounded yellow gold band, with 15 tiny white sapphires embedded inset into the gold, i.e., not channel set.  I personally am opposed to diamonds, although DH got diamonds (tiny ones, very discrete) in his ring. Anyway, here is mine: 

This ring seems so much prettier to me than the standard diamond channel set ones.   I love it, and I wear it on my ring finger with my wedding ring.   These days, because our anniversary is a month from tomorrow, I have also been wearing the ring DH got me for our 5th anniversary, a blue sapphire in a gold art-deco style setting.

Plus, this ring got me excited about white sapphires. Sapphires are my birthstone, and I know that they come in all colors, but I had never thought of white sapphires as a work around for my dislike for diamonds, which is based on my political beliefs.  And the quality of stones is better, because it is not as expensive a stone in the first place. 

This discovery had me digging around for white sapphire earrings.  My ears are very sensitive, and need good quality earrings in them as "retainers," so when I want to wear a base metal, I can get away with it for a day.  Then I immediately put good earrings back in again.  Well these are my current "retainer earrings," white sapphire studs: 

Now these were more "fine jewelry" purchases, which I admit to wanting because an engagement ring was not financially in the cards when DH and I were engaged.  I am so glad we didn't wait, but if we could have afforded one, I would have liked one.  So this is kind of my overcompensation for that.

Let me recommend Etsy for fine jewelry:  You don't have to pay the retail markup, and even though my ring is "fine jewelry," it cost about half of what it would at a "real" jewelry store.

The rest of my purchases were costume jewelry, including a lot of 50 bracelets I bought from the online shopgoodwill.com site.  That was like having a corner of a Goodwill shop in my home, and I found a lot of vintage, and even a couple of antique bracelets!  One of the antique bracelets I saw online for $125!

Aside from that one foray into the world of mixed lots, there have been many Etsy purchases.  I am Etsy's bitch.  It has almost been like I have been using purchases from Etsy to make me feel better about how lousy I feel so much of the time.  Well, actually, it isn't "like" it; I have definitely been using purchases to cheer me up.

One of Etsy shops that was not only the first store at which I made a purchase, but that I have returned to most often, is Wychbury, which is in the West Midlands of the UK.  I have purchased hair pins, brooches, necklaces, and bracelets, they just seem to feed into my obsessive anglophile-ism.  One recent purchase was called an "herbal tea bracelet."  Of the many things I have purchased from them, this is my very favorite:

 

I also recently replaced a pretty necklace of theirs that I wore to pieces; my original one was more "english garden" themed, but this one is definitely "bluebells:"

 

They also sell hairpins made of vintage fabric and buttons.  Since my migraines have become so incredibly bad, I have had to start relying on hairpins.  Barrettes, or even the weight of my hair pulled back into a pony tail, is enough to give me a "hatband headache," which is lovely melange of both a migraine and tension headache.  Yes, you can have more than one type of headache at once.  Joy.

So I have also been active with a kind of strange charity, April's Army, which is a spin off of the hysterical site, Regretsy.com, which scours Etsy.com to put a spotlight on some of the more questionable merchandise.  One of the advantages of being a member of this charity team is that people often give discounts to other team members for no reason other than to be nice.  One instance of this was in the case of WrensEye.  She had an "Apocalypse Sale" the week of the Apocalypse that wasn't on May 21, and I swooped in and snatched up two items I had been eying covetously, at 50% off!

Coin pearl necklace

Blood drop earrings

Both really pretty.  I wear the coin pearl necklace a lot, it is just very simple and elegant.  And I love the somewhat baroque look, even though they are freshwater pearls.  

The final purchase I am going to show off for now is some more fabric hairpins, that I really love.  They are simple, and come in all different colors.  I got this set, as well as a set in neutral (white, black, brown):

These are made by PaisleyMoon

 Oh! Just one more purchase, a bit of a surprise for DH, in honor of the theme of our wedding, the Mad Hatter's Tea Party, as well as the Jabberwock Inn, where we honeymooned, celebrated our first anniversary, and are scheduled to celebrate our 10th!

Alice In Wonderland Light Switch Plate

Now this seems like a ton of stuff, but I have purchased it over the last 4 months, so it isn't as dreadful as it seems.  The big (exciting) expenditure was on my ring. 

The last week has been better than the week before.  If this week is as good or better, I might finally be able to go thrifting for the first time since December!

Pain and Purchases

First, DH's grandmother died yesterday.  He is flying back East for the funeral on Saturday, and will be back Tuesday.  He is not freaking out, but he is more upset than he is letting on.  His dad didn't think we should go, so he decided he is going alone; tickets are so expensive, PLUS all the fees they now have.  He wants to go is to see his grandfather, who is 95.  I never really knew his grandmother, because she already had Alzheimer's when I met her.  So her funeral would be more dutiful than cathartic for me.  

And having been raised Jewish, open caskets freak me out.  Just not a Jewish thing.

In migraine news, I GOT A REFERRAL TO UCSF'S HEADACHE CLINIC!  I had to stop the nortriptyline because of side effects.  They included mental confusion, urinary tract issues, lethargy, poor balance.  And when I went up to a higher dose, my mood was definitely acting up.  I was afraid I was teetering on the edge of a mixed episode.

There may have been just a bit less intensity to the headaches I am getting, but not enough to make the potentially worsening side effects worth it.  After 7 weeks, the side-effects are probably going to last as long as I take it.  I thought I was getting depressed, but now I think it was all Nortriptyline side effects.  

So finally it has come to this:  My neurologist said, "We have a lot of options!"  and immediately suggested Botox  Um, no.  Not under his supervision.  Maybe if UCSF suggests it.  Maybe.  It creeps me out.  Although, the one person I actually have "talked" to about it has loved it, and said it changed her life.  Hmmm.  Blech.

"Well, I've heard fever few an butterbar might help."   Yes, my neurologist thinks I should try herbs.  I asked about acupuncture, and his attitude was, "Sure, try whatever you want, but good luck getting your insurance to pay for it."  We shall see.  I think I am going to go see Angie at Lohaki Acupuncture, even if my insurance won't pay for it; I can start doing that about twice a month.

He also said becoming vegetarian might be a good idea.  I keep saying I want to do that, even if it is just at home.  But it boils down to my being lazy: it seems like all the recipes for main dishes are complex.  And I have trouble gauging how many fruit and vegetables we will eat before they spoil.  Part of the reason for this is that Nortriptyline lethargy has meant I haven't been cooking. At all. We have been grazing, eating cheese, cereal, canned soup, fruit, and too much candy. I keep meaning to learn how to really use beans.  I mean, I use them now and then, but I should soak and freeze batches, or something, they really are so versatile.  And I have a rice cooker, and I love oatmeal.  I guess the first step would be to take stock of which appliances I need, and which I don't, I have way too many cooking appliances.

So anyway, gah.  Oh, and after promising me he would fax the referral to UCSF on  Monday, Dr. Shithead told me it would be out by Friday.  UGH.  I already faxed stuff yesterday (Tuesday), because he TOLD me he was definitely faxing it Monday!  And he had to throw in that he couldn't see what UCSF could do that HE wouldn't already have thought of.  This is the man who does research on Google right in front of me.  I am always far more up to date on migraine treatments than he.  Whatever.  Passive aggressive shmuck.   Seriously, a passive aggressive Dr?  Could there be a worse type of MD to try to develop a relationship with?  And why wouldn't he want me to see a headache specialist after I have been having migraines for over 35 years?  Pussy.

I am his SUPAH DUPAH  NUMBAH ONE migraine patient.  Awesome for a teaching hospital, I am his walking, talking "refractory" specimen.  But he no longer has any idea what to do with me.  And I guess what this is really going to boil down to is poly-pharmacy for my migraines, as well as the BP.  He wouldn't be able to handle a poly-pharmacy approach.

I just have been out of it.  Almost 100% because of the nortriptyline, I am pretty sure.  It takes two weeks for it to be totally out of my system.  

 This is the worst period of migraines I have ever experienced, bar none.  Since last I filled you in, I also tried an stopped using propranolol, because it was clearly working as well as a sugar pill for me.  Next, I tried atenolol, which is in the same class of meds as propranolol (beta blockers), but it gave me a rare side effect: bruxism.  Because of my response to the nortriptyline, other tricyclics are also out of the question.

ANYWAY. I wanted to get back into posting items I bought.  It is an enjoyable pastime for the acquisitive Bipolar part of me, even though this time, it was all full price.  And it gives me something to riff off of, if I am desperate.

First, I was recently pointed towards a website I really like: Dog is Good.  First, I tried their t shirt grab bag: pay $25, and get three random ts. I get a tank top with bling, a light weight logo tshirt, and a tshirt with a logo that actually won a national pet product design contest: KNOW DOG, KNOW JOY, KNOW LOVE.  All very cute, and fun because of the surprise aspect.

Then on FacebookPJs, with a Frenchie on the top, "Le Chien Est Bon."  Very cute.  There is a Frenchie on the top:

There are nice details on it, like ribbon piping around the ankle, from which the hem falls away into a serge stitch hem, so a little ruffling.  And the same with the top.

Now, I really only have a bunch of new costume jewelry to show, but I am a real sucker for costume jewelry.  Unfortunately, one of my favorite necklaces' coating has rubbed off, and now the nickel is exposed to my nickel-allergic skin.

I have a pair of earrings and a necklace that are made by Kerfufle Jewelry, which I bought from one of my favorite little boutiques, Eni-thing, which supports local handmade products.  I bought the earrings first:

It's kind of hard to see, but they are small coin-like hammered metal.  I bought this necklace later:

To be honest, I go back an forth about this pendant.  Sometimes I think it is really cool, other times too garish.  Each strand that goes up to the fastener is different strand one side made of those coin-like beads, as well as a crystal strand.  But it holds up pretty well with a very simple top, because it would be too much for a pattern, imo.

On another visit at Eni-thing, I got a very inexpensive blingy elasticized bracelet.  Very simple but it goes with a lot of things:

Another fun set I collected was the Betsey Johnson French Puppy series.  I got the pendant, both pair of earrings, and best of all, the almost impossible to find charm bracelet:

There are these cute asymmetric dangle earrings, plus there is post version with the same charm: 

I also got a pendant from the same series, but it basically the same Frenchie charm as the earrings, just larger.

I also got some cool t shirts besides those from Dog is Good.  One was from Imogen Heap's Ellipse tour.  Mine actually has a white tree on a white background which is cool up close, but un-photographable, so this is just to give you an idea of the pattern: 

I also bought a cute Honest Kitchen t-shirt.  The Honest Kitchen is the freeze-dried food I feed my Frenchie, Violet.  This one says "Raw + Love = THK:

Wow. Quite a post.  

And none of it that interesting.

Dain Bramage and Neurosurgery

[Editor's note:  I noticed that I often write garbled sentences in these blog posts.  This is not just due to poor writing skills, but also because I often post extremely late/early, and wrap up when I feel fatigued enough to sleep.  So my proof reading is often shoddy.  My new policy will be I may go back into posts to correct grammar or spelling without notification.  Content changes will be noted.] 

Well, excitement has abounded at the home of DH and crtclms.  DH was transported from his job to the ER for the second time in 10 days.  This time he didn't hit his head.  The prior seizure, he caught the orbital bone of his eye on the corner of his desk on his way down, which gave him an impressive shiner.  This time, he went into a fugue, during which he wanders around in a semi-conscious state.

So off to the ER I went.  I couldn't find my purse, and during the hunt, I had time to snap a pic.  I know how long it takes them to process him, and expected to arrive before he was released, and this turned out to be true:

So, leaf-type chandelier earrings you have seen; dirty hair pulled up; new lavender top with rhinestone embellishment from recent GW hunt; ancient pair of bleach spattered jeans from dog care; they look worse than usual because I was in a hurry, and pulled on dirty jeans.   One attempt to hide part of the dirt was the boots.  Now, I love these boots, one of my gypsy princess purchases, and really I do understand it is a matter of personal taste, but I saw them and had to buy them.  The velvet inset on the top is very close in color to the sweater:

Ah yes, the infamous computer backdrop.  Hey, sometimes it is the only way I am not too lazy to take the picture.

Anyway, you can see the velvet, with embroidery, trimmed with a narrow floral band.  Tweed laced through, and the seam above the ankle is tweed, too.  I bought these about two years ago, and one of the nice things about them is you can wear them with a longer skirt, or under jeans, and they just look like plain brown boots.

And we are back to the Land of Fucked Up Brains:  This was not only the second time in 10 days I had to go pick DH up from the ER, it was the 2nd time I had to do so with a migraine.  This is not to complain about his timing, but to demonstrate what a fun month we are having generally.  In the fall, my frequent migraines actually morph into "Chronic Daily Headache."   This is not only painful and incapacitating, it is embarrassing:  Headaches are invisible, and how many times in a short period of time would you accept the excuse, "I'm sorry, I have to cancel, I have a headache,"  when this is the 3rd, 4th, or 5th time in a month I have had to cancel?  Only people who know me extremely well can even tell I am in the midst of a headache.  Plus, migraines manifest in a lot of "non-headache" ways, which can ruin any social outing, even without actual pain. Today, for instance, I have been "buzzy" because a weather front is coming in, and migraines are often triggered by weather fronts.  What does "buzzy" mean?  Hard to say, but I can feel things going on in my head.  However, even though it was a term I thought I came up with on my own, I found anyone who has migraines or epilepsy knows what I mean when I say "buzzy," and many already use the term to describe their own cranial happenings.

It is also humiliating as to how it affects my marriage.  "Not tonight, I have a headache" isn't a "line" in my home, it is a pretty much daily occurrence.  While sexual activity as a general rule is helpful to headache patients, that is only the case when they are not in the throws of an actual attack.  It is upsetting and guilt inducing to feel like you are not up to being an equal partner in intimate aspects of your marriage.  I actually quit a medication that was working somewhat at controlling my head, because it totally destroyed my libido, to the extent I didn't even like to be touched.  My neurologist agreed with me my marriage was more important than the medication.

DH has also had horrible, life-altering side-effects from medication.  A lot of people don't realize that when you have a chronic illness, you are not only dealing with the illness itself, but also with the sometimes severe and dangerous side-effects of prescription pharmaceuticals.  This is why I use Cannabis, and why I feel so strongly about protecting its medical use, and legalization in general.

Now, the activity of having to pull myself together to get DH did distract me from the pain a bit, and other than the purse mishap, I got to Stanford pretty quickly.  This is one of the first times I had been to Stanford ER in the early afternoon, usually it has been at night.  ERs are SO much calmer during the day!  DH was awake and alert (he apparently had awoken while being strapped to the gurney).  I actually know how to read the monitor he is attached to now, and all of his vitals, including blood oxygen, were excellent.

The nurses and doctors on call were very nice, because they weren't overwhelmed.  They kept coming in to tell us what stage they were at with DH's release every few minutes, which has never happened before.  Then, the doctor came in, and said DH's neurosurgeon, who is the head of the Stanford Epilepsy Center, wanted to talk to us before we left.  Again, a first.  But we knew seizures were coming too fast and hard.  What we didn't expect was how blunt his Dr. F was.  When he walked into the room, the first thing out of his mouth was, "This is not acceptable."  He is concerned that DH is having so many seizures it may start causing more brain damage, or that he may really hurt himself hitting his head, which DH does regularly, and we have been lucky that a black eye is the worst thing that has ever come of it.

The question for both of us:  What quality of life is acceptable, and what isn't?  Are the number of headaches I have by refusing to take a particular medication worth the physical intimacy, not just sexual, but day to day, I share with my husband, worth it?  How many seizures, how many drug side effects, will my DH be able to tolerate, and still lead some semblance of a normal life?

Monday's ER visit brought this question into sharp relief for DH.  Dr. F informed DH and myself that brain surgery could no longer be postponed until next Fall as we had planned, and that DH's job was now officially secondary to his health.  This is a little scary for us, because what some of you do not know is, DH got his current job a few weeks before I started this blog.  This had been after being laid off for 10 months (he had had one short job that blew up).  It is a fabulous job, that he loves, and we are pretty sure they love him.  We don't want him to lose it, and we frankly can't afford it, especially if DH has the surgery, and we don't resume receiving income after his recovery.

But, he has violent seizures about once a week, and less violent ones one or twice a week.  He can't drive.  He has had seizures on his bike, and on public transportation, so even though he isn't a danger to others, he is actually very likely to get hurt even when not behind the wheel.  He has to take almost all his sick and personal days to recover from seizures.  He has visible hypoxia of the brain (under-oxygenated parts) on his MRIs.

I had to stop working at my job as a doggie daycare provider because my foot was reconstructed in January, and it only now is beginning to feel like a real foot (it takes about a year to totally heal).  So even though my salary was meager, I was at least working.  Now, my foot is not strong enough for dog care, and my headaches are preventing any aspirations of any other part-time work.  I can only work half-time, because of my migraines, and my mood disorder.  Like headaches, bipolar illness is invisible, and like migraine, it limits my life even though it leaves no mark on me physically.  In order to keep myself even somewhat healthy, my p-doc in Pittsburgh told me I should only work part time, or at most, a clerical level job if I were going to work full-time.  So much for that Ivy League education.

The round-about point is, I am bringing in zero income myself.  We might be entirely reliant on an account we were really hoping on not touching.  My only "hope" is that he is eligible for disability from work or the State.  His contract doesn't say he has to have worked there any amount of time in particular to be eligible for their benefits, so we have our fingers crossed, but are prepared for either possibility.  [The old law student in me wanted to abbreviate that to "K," which is a legal shorthand for "contract."]  Because he has only been there a few months, we don't know what kind of leave he is eligible for.  He would be willing to take an unpaid leave, if it meant there would be a job to go back to.  That would wipe out our savings (making Goodwill even more attractive to Ms. Hypo-mania), but we have enough.  As one of my friends said to me yesterday, we can get more money, I am thankful we have what we do.   DH's health is more important than our savings, any day.

We are upper middle class, even given the loss of income and savings during DH's unemployment.  We have had health insurance, either through COBRA, or his new job.  I know it isn't exactly the same as those families who have to declare bankruptcy, and I understand that most of our monetary hit did not come from DH's or my conditions per se.  But the expense of co-pays for meds and treatment, seeing doctors, having surgery (we both will have had surgery in 2010), ER visits, the lost days to migraines, the compulsive spending that often accompanies my mood changes, it helps to chip away at our income.

So that can also be added to the daily cost, in money, body, and spirit, of chronic illness.

Now, I do have purchases and outfits to show you.  And tomorrow is a fundraiser for a Food bank, where I intend to do some Hannukah shopping, and I will come home with other things to show you.  But even the little "fashion" I did have in this post didn't seem to fit the tenor of the post, so I am saving it for this weekend.  As Eddie Izzard would say, "Ciaooooo!"

Making Hash

First of all, I have no real "i" key, I have to press really hard on wear the key *should* be to get it to type.  So sorry if there are some "i"s out of place.

Plus, November is admittedly going to be erratic in terms of the "What I Wore"  clothing diary portion, even though the Goodwill purchases' posts are the loose framework around which the blog is more or less constructed.  November is hell month for me.  I just got through a couple of  days without a severe migraine, and it has been such bliss.  But the fact that I expect one tomorrow as a consequence/punishment is because I just get too many damn migraines.  I cannot plan what I am doing later today, let alone next week..  It happens every November.  I had to cancel my Cannabis Cooking class at the last minute because of a migraine, which makes me really sad plus I think I have lost that entire tuition.  I should have known better than to schedule anything in November.  I am spending a lot of days in tank tops, sweat shirts, and pajama bottoms.  Which as you have seen, I'd photograph, but these headaches have just sucked so hard.

Anyway, we are still scheduled to go to "Graduation" in December.  Fun!

Sooo, we have been really experimenting with hash the last couple of months.  We have been purchasing it from SBAC.  The stuff they sell is exponentially better has than Greeway's, I have to say, as much as I adore Greeneway, as well as making our own type of hash from duff.  "Duff" is the left-over vaporized plant material, which has some, but not nearly all of the cannabinoids removed from it via vaporizing.  We use a relatively inexpensive vaporizer, which we got from Vapor Brothers:

I am actually kind of psyched to make our next batch of hash from duff, since I learned a whole bunch at Oaksterdam that should make our next batch better, stronger, and easier to handle and use.  I know to use Everclear, and how to heat and press it properly.  The stuff we have made has been pretty goopy, and burns up too fast.

But hash strains have become more routine for me to incorporate into my routine.  Because you are not supposed to use a direct flame on hash, I had been improvising with paraphernalia; in particular, heating the underside of the glass bowls on the  sliders on our bongs.   Please Note: The glass of sliders does not take kindly to direct flame for long periods of time.  One broke one day, the other the next.  Oh, and then since I went to the head shop to buy a couple of replacements, I broke a brand new slider through sheer clumsiness.  I am very happy with my hash pipe, and feel like it really is strong.

We found out there is a head shop, Smoke Stuff,  on Yelp, about 3 miles from here.  Since we broke two water pipe slides within 24 hours, plus I was curious about getting a hash pipe, I decided to head over there.  Usually head shop employees are so sullen, and this guy was cheerful and friendly.  He sure was enthusiastic about his products. Heh. The store was so clean, and the guy was very nice.  He helped me pick out my hash pipe.  We will be using that shop in the immediate future. due to my amazing slide smashing skills.

Anyway, you get a lot of bang for your buck with hash.  I also bought these tiny rolled balls of keif, I cannot remember what they are called, and the way they package it meant I had to tear the label off in order to open it.  But sprinkling a bit on what you are using gives it an added kick.

I am really liking Purple Dragon hash right now.  Also, bud from "Humboldt Hash Plant,"  another  good pain killer.  We are still hanging on to some Burgundy Goo, for my next killer migraine (counting down in 3, 2, 1...).  Hash is good at prophylaxis, and for early onset of headaches, but once they are fully established, they probably make it worse.  Although it helps vomiting no matter how severe or well established.

I then also made good old fashioned potato, meat, and onion hash, this time with cubed leftover tri-tip, chopped sweet onion, cubed yukon and russet potatoes, a bit of oil, and about a third cup of beef broth.  Eggs sunny side over easy.  Fat city, but so good.  I hadn't made a good hash in years, and it is really something I could eat almost daily, if my heart didn't scream in agony.  Kidding. I have "spectacular lipid levels," so says my neurologist.  I also particularly love Corned Beef hash, but have never had the balls to make it, since bad corned beef is *so very bad.*

So at this point in the blog entry, I almost feel a little bit like saying, "Okay, let's get this next part over with."  But I obviously enjoy it, so what the hell.  Yes, I've been to Goodwill this week.  Twice.  I have pictures to prove it.  In fact, Thursday I drove around for a while trying to find the Salvation Army that I had done so well at last time, before throwing up my hands, and going back to one of the bigger Goodwills instead (the one on Meridian).

I actually only have "outfit" pictures from Wednesday, when oddly, I wore two outfits.  That is because it was quite chilly in the AM, and warmer in the PM, and I also was dressed to go "thrifting" as I am now learning it is called.  That sounds so much more socially significant than compulsive shopper, don't you think?

So the AM outfit was to take DH to the bullet train, so he wouldn't have to take the bus in the cold.  I went from there to Safeway, and did quite a large shopping trip.  I bought a lot of "quick" meals, for reasons I will relate below.  I also bought a lot of things we were running out of, but I am really pissed because I forgot the McCann's Steel Cut Irish Oatmeal.  I actually am zipping through cans of that now that I have learned to soak the oats overnight.  I still am eating them four or five times a week, and not tiring of it.  Thursday I cut up some strawberries, a tablespoon of sugar, and some milk for my last serving, and it was out of this world.  But that was the end of my supply.

This is what I wore for the drive to the train station, and grocery shopping:

Black cotton cable-knit sweater tunic (bit long on me, but I am short, and have an enormous chest), and a pair of boot cut jeans.  I own one pair of carpenter pants, but all my other jeans are boot cut,  just like them better.  They are a very dark blue wash, so look black in this picture.  It doesn't help that  I am wearing  my black "motorcycle" boots.  Double semi-precious beaded necklace from It's a Girl Thing.

Anyway,  while I was at Safeway, I decided I was getting grossed out by the house again. This is quite a feat, I am exceedingly hard to gross out.  I bought all kinds of cleaning products for people who don't know how to scrub, plus some Drano to fix our bathroom sink, which was taking about 5 minutes to empty.  I am kind of in cleaning mode, but it is really one item at a time, it isn't a frenzy.  I did fix the sink drain, so yay me!

I also got potatoes for beef hash, which I planned to make from leftovers from the tri-tip we had.  Oh, yeah, we had a marinated tri-tip roast with roasted potatoes on Sunday.   DH was so happy to eat meat, even though he doesn't generally complain.  I also got a couple of nicely sized russets for baked potatoes sometime this week.  Hmm, need to check our sour cream, and see how it is holding up.  Anyway, we rarely have big hunks of meat like that anymore, and DH was a very satisfied diner on Sunday night. Yesterday, I completely cheated and got a Safeway refrigerated meal, which I just had to heat up: rigatoni and bolognese.  If you put tomato sauce on food, DH will likely be happy to eat it.  Also those strawberries I mentioned strawberries and avocados (I eat about three a week).  Plus, we have chicken and potato wedges.  Man, heavy on the potatoes this week.

And a lot of candy. 

I went home, put away groceries, and fed Violet.  I only meant to surf the net for a bit, but I was kind of still feeling my oats because I haven't been having nearly the problems with my head that I was last week.  I have been beyond relaxing the last few days, just luxuriating in the relative lack of pain. I haven't been migraine free, but I have been keeping them under control with the aid of both Big Pharma, and Cannabis.  Then I remembered we had broken the slides,  So I headed out to Smoke Stuff.

After that, it was still before noon, and I decided to do some "thrifting."  I wanted to go back to the Salvation Army.  But I got totally lost trying to find the Salvation Army I went to last time when I used Smoke Stuff as my starting point.  When I came back home, and looked at a map, I realized I had merely been on the wrong side of the street.  Gah.  I had thought about trying to get there again today, but my head and ache-y legs have pretty much nixed that idea.  Or, I could go to the Salvation Army just a couple of miles from here.  People were a little ruthless at the Salvation Army, and shopped out of my cart once before I was aware of it:  I have had that happen to me once or twice in Goodwills since then as well, so I guard my basket.

So, Wednesday afternoon, San Jose Goodwill, on Meridian.  Fortunately, one of their biggest locations, because the whole reason I wanted to go to the Salvation Army is because it's HUGE.  I actually am kind of amazed that I am able to keep straight in my head what I bought on Wednesday, and what I bought on Monday, but I can.  I have to take a few more pictures, of the stuff from Monday.  I know these aren't the greatest pictures, but it is hard to display this sort of thing without a manikin,

Anyway, I have learned to dress with a tank top under my clothes, so I don't have to compete for dressing rooms as much (there are mirrors here and there around the stores).  I wore the same jean and boots, but a pink tank top, and a fasten-less cardigan in a synthetic knit of some kind, with a empire waist (one of my Monday Santa Clara Goodwill finds).  Cardigans are easy to slip off and on, so I don't freeze between trying on clothes.  I also wore my new-ish flower/pouf black headband, since I know my hair gets in my eyes pulling things off and on, and it is a quick fix.  In both Wednesday's pictures, I am wearing a brown braided leather belt I also bought at the Santa Clara Goodwill on Monday.

I got a small black leather hobo purse, Wilson's.  I already have the big black Wilson's satchel.  The handle is asymmetrical, and has two metal links on one side.

A purple and violet pin-striped oxford blouse:

This was a cute find: A blue wool knit top with cable, an empire waist, and that nice collar.

This is a light wool short-sleeved lavender top, with an scoop, and embellished keyhole neck.

Here's the embellishment:

I am not bothering to include pictures of the plain black top, and the camel-colored top with the collar with the rather restrained embellishments.

So from Monday in Santa Clara, you have seen the Black empire-waist button-less cardigan thing-y, and I am guessing you can visualize a standard brown leather braided belt.  Here is a mis-sized fabric brown and pink purse, the top stripe is pale pink, compared to the flowers:

It looks brand new, and I combine pink and brown a lot.  Plus, a little black lace slip skirt:

Here is a detail of the lace:

I have reached this weird place with my wardrobe.  First of all, I am being pretty ruthless at discarding things I don't wear, and stuff that looks ghastly in the pictures on this blog.  That doesn't mean I won't wear something over-sized, like that tunic sweater (I'm calling it a tunic because it has side slits), but to be honest, I like how that looks, even if it isn't the latest fashion.  So I have enough clothes, yet because of my weeding out and organizing what I have, I know really specifically where I have holes in my wardrobe.  For instance, I do have one or two navy things.  But I could really use navy shoes, and a purse.  A pair of navy slacks wouldn't hurt either.  I don't need them, but I know that I can certainly use them.  This is allowing me to be both incredibly picky, and a little more outre in my choices, because I try on things that I think, "What the hell, I like it, maybe it will work on me."  And about 15% of the time, I find something good, so since there is a lot of stuff to try on, I almost always walk away with a find.

So back to less frivolous and material things:  I woke up today (Friday) morning with a slight headache.  So a several day break, more than I had really hoped for.  But it is back, I can feel it creeping around my skull. UGH.  I have to say last week's Migrane-o-rama really took the wind out of my sails, both in the sense  I can still tell  am still recovering days later, and also in the sense that it seems to have put a hitch in my mood, I no longer feel like I am being sent by slingshot to every destination.

Okay, this post is just getting ridiculous, I can't even proof read it it is so long.   Tomorrow, I want to talk about the riveting subject of home decor. Har.

Pain and Prolix

Well, I haven't posted in about a week, but I have a couple of reasons for that hiatus.  Migraines and garrulousness.

First things first.  I just have one outfit, from last Tuesday, Nov. 2.  That day was the day of the election, and DH and I went to vote shortly after 8.  I wore my vintage red crinkled maxi-skirt, with my olive green, mandarin collared blouse, with 3/4's length sleeves, and with a similar crinkle to the material of the skirt.  Those are the ubiquitous black penny loafer mules again.

For accessories, I wore a signed Navajo silver animal totem necklace.  The earrings are the little stone turtle-ish earrings, one of the few pair of posts I have purchased since I developed a nickel allergy.  I even have a barely there rash along my glass stems, because they are metal.  So that was an annoying allergy to develop in midlife, as it eliminated a lot of the costume jewelry that I, as a gypsy princess, love to wear.



Finally, I wore a bobby pin with a flower made of antique silk and wool (you can see a plaid on the wool) with a vintage button for the center.  Very cute, another Wychbury purchase.  Yes, that little craft business appears to hold me firmly by the short hairs.



After voting, I drove DH to work, since I had a neurology appointment in Palo Alto anyway.  I already had awoken with a minor headache, and had thought about canceling my neurology appointment, but since I had to drop DH off at work in Menlo Park anyway, I decided to tough it out.  So I stopped for a quick breakfast at Hobee's, then shopped a bit at Sur la Table.  There I found a candy thermometer, which I actually did need:  I had not been able to try a couple of candy recipes in the last few months because I never bought one.  I always used my mother's.  I also got this silicone mini mitt pot holder, which is awesome, and of which I intend to buy more of.  I was able to easily lift a very heavy Le Creuset roasting pan, with a very secure feeling grip.  I am probably going to use it as a stocking stuffer this year.

My neurology appointment was essentially a bust.  Plus ça change, plus c'est le meme chose.  He acknowledged that we are pretty helpless right now, so we are once again raising my propranolol.  I won't see him until next year, and I am hoping it will be working by then.  If it doesn't work, we are not able to go higher than my current dosage, as it would probably make me develop brachycardia, and become hypo-tensive.  It looks like my pulse has adjusted to the previous dose, rising from about 52-4 beats per minute, to 69 beats per minute.

Just for the hell of it, I stopped at Kara's Cupcakes, which is in the shopping center abutting the medical clinic I use, and bought a dozen mini-cupcakes.  I got Java, Meyer lemon filled, and banana carmel. Oh. My. God.  That banana caramel is evil, it is sooooo good.  By now, my head was really starting to hurt, and I wanted to just go home, but I decided I better stop at Lucky to pick up my new script, while I was up and about.  But as usual, I hit them during their lunch hour, and they were closed.  I was starting to feel too awful to stay.

So that evening was a bad evening, but cleared up before bedtime.  When I woke up on Wednesday, however, I had THE WORST headache.  It went on and on.  It was horrible. The third day I still hadn't been able to eat, but I couldn't stop vomiting.  Finally, I went to bed Thursday night, with the help of some Lorazepam (brand name Ativan).  I woke up Friday without a headache, but it crept back over the day.  Saturday I was in misery again.  I haven't had one one Sunday or Monday, so I kind of feel like I am due one tomorrow.  If I don't get one, I will get some mailing done I need to do (return stuff to Nordstrom, mail Sister2's birthday gift, and pick up a couple of bong slides, as both of ours broke from becoming brittle.  Two of them, within 24 hours, not dropping them, or anything.

But one of my migraine patterns is that the number of migraines starts increasing in October, and then I have one practically every day of November.  When I say practically every day, I am talking 5 or 6 days a week.  They aren't all the worst migraine I ever had, although half of them are really, really bad, and a couple of them have come close to my top 10-20.  I developed intractable (untreatable, or difficult to treat) migraine when I was 12, so I have had 35 years of headaches to work on the "winners" list.

Medical Cannabis has helped, but not always entirely squelched my pain (although it often does).  During the 3 day migraine, it helped the first day, made it worse the 2nd day, and really helped the 3rd day, as at that point I was vomiting pretty frequently.  A migraine can whoop ANY painkiller's ass, no matter its strength.  Cannabis is safe, has not caused a single death in modern medical history, and I cannot overdose.  But it doesn't always work.  If that happens, I am utterly screwed.



So, ANYWAY, returning to the initial sentence about my hiatus, the first few days after my last post, I felt panicked.  I had posted something I should not have. I have a propensity to do this when my mood is screwy.  My blogs have caused me problems in the past:  Once the problems were with a person who was my friend at the time, L.   I blogged about what I (still) believe to be unwise choices on her part.  It was truly stupid of me.  Not to mention, pot, meet kettle.  But I said what I did out of concern for her, although that doesn't mean it was okay to do.  I just am saying, contrary to what some people thought, it was not meant maliciously, I was actually blogging about my concern for her. She is no longer my friend, although I hear about her from others.  I was surprised to find that I am happier without interacting with this woman, and her circle, when I thought I would be lonely.  So while it was upsetting for others, and myself at the time, it ultimately did me good.  That didn't make it easier for my then friend to read.  But I feel like she has made even worse choices since then, so it is good I am no longer involved with her.

Not to mention, she totally used and abused one of my dearest friends, after screeching foul because she was being held responsible for the consequences of her actions.  That did make me feel much less guilty about any upset I had brought to her life with my blog.

The second incident was over a family wedding, BIL2 to my now SIL2.  I was a bad actor, I blogged about my distaste for the details of my then soon to be SIL's wedding, especially, what I think were breaches of etiquette, about which I am a bit of a jerk. I also did a character analysis of her that wasn't very flattering.  I did call her a Bridezilla, but I had never seen the show, and actually referred to myself as Bridezilla several times in my own planning.  That show really found awful women, and I guess my SIL watches a lot of TV.  I just repeated what I was told by DH after his conversations he had with his father and sister (SIL!) about it.  But my SIL1 wouldn't cop to it, and claimed I was making stuff up.  She also told DH he should probably divorce me.

That really, really was over the line, in my opinion.  How dare she.  She recently sent me a "friend request" on Facebook; I unfriended all my in laws after this because while I performed the precipitating event of the fight, no one would admit I was just repeating what I had been told.  SIL1 & BIL1 accused me of lying.  I think they just were embarrassed that the gossip obviously arose from discussions SIL1 had with DH and their father.  Rather than admit that they were providing the information, which would have infuriated SIL2, they claimed I made shit up.

I agree that I should not have posted things that affected SIL2, I had no right to her story.  Which is why I am trying to be careful about overtly exposing others to criticisms or consequences from my blogged outbursts of bad judgement.   But I can always delete.  SIL1 found my old blog about one day after I started it, and started emailing DH every time she saw something she didn't like, whether or not it had anything to do with the family.  No way am I giving her access to this blog.

Anyway, it turns out I was apparently dead right about SIL2, according to SIL1's reports to DH, but she only relayed this to DH, months after the fact.  She never apologized for calling me a liar, making fun of my bipolar illness, and urging my husband to divorce me. Now she just says "Let's be friends again, I miss you" in a Facebook message.  I do not miss her, nor do I want her to access to my discussions with my friends.

So that's it.

Goodwill and cash

So I am behind in what I wore.  Also behind in what I have purchased.  This is going to be a photo dump.  But last weekend I was so busy with class, I was zonked when I got home.  This week, I had so many headaches, I didn't even dress Wednesday.  Then yesterday, I am certain I took a picture, because I keep taking them until they are almost in focus (har) and I saw the picture.  I must have deleted it by accident, but I know I will wear that outfit again, because it was easy and it matched.

Monday, I had the headache I had managed to put off during the weekend.  Saturday and Sunday, I did have to pop a couple of Imitrex, but survived.  I am wearing the "Yes on Prop 19" t shirt I bought at the bookstore at Oaksterdam U.  Awful jeans, they are going into the Goodwill bag, I think they are Target.  And suede Doc Martens MJs.

Tuesday I felt better, and of course, that meant shopping.  Goodwill this time, and I picked out a great deal of stuff for $31 and change.  My spending still sucks, because I am no longer limiting it to Goodwill, though. :(

The top is NY & Co., a turquoise empire top that is distorted by my hips.  The fabric has a kind of gather all over it, you can kind of see it.  Textured fabric is supposed to de-emphasize a lack of waist, and  I have to admit, it almost looks like I have a waist in this picture.  The skirt is Costco, and I keep almost giving it away.  But it is like a pair of jeans.  I see it hits my legs in a horrible spot, so into the Goodwill bag it goes.  The shoes are some black penny loafer mules.  The hairband was some excessive shopping I did in beauty supply store.

I got that headband in black and ivory.  It has an embossed fabric overlay, and a flower pouf-thing.  I am into flowers and pouf at the moment.  I also got a pretty claw clip (it doesn't have that butterfly hinge that is so awful), and a fuzzy ponytail holder.  Then I bought what I actually went in there for:  One of those dye wands for touching up your roots, and a waxing kit.  The wand works pretty well, but it is a little more work than I expected.  It lasts between washes, you can get it wet, but not soapy.  The waxing kit I was going to try tonight, but decided against pulling hair out of my face while I had a headache.  I still have a mask to do tonight, I am girly-girling out.  BUT, my skin has been beyond fantastic.  In fact, I haven't touched the spot zit treatment in days.

I am nervous about the waxing kit.  I have an eyebrow pencil just in case.

Okay, so Wednesday, I was punished for my profligacy (Goodwill finds are coming up).  I was so sick, it was one of the all day ones, where you basically writhe because there is no escape in any position, or with any home remedy.  So no picture.

Thursday I didn't feel great, but I had to get to the supermarket to pick up our meds, DH was about to totally run out.  You've seen that shirt before, in a variety of colors.  I wore the black one on Friday.  I look like shit in general, and those are the same awful jeans.  That is an old Target purse, and the shoes are pink and white mules, also from Target.

Yesterday, I wore new black knit pants I got Tuesday.  They are knit, but structured (they zip up the side), so they look like nice pants, not my usual knits.  The black shirt version of the pink-y shirt above, and a red Ann Taylor sweater coat (not the full length time).  It is one of my favorite pieces of clothing, although to be honest, it is over-sized.  I like how it looks though.  I wore a pair of black skimmers (how many pair of black shoes do I own?).  I wore my black hairband, and the necklace I had purchased at Eni-thing, which matched earrings I had purchased a month or so ago.

Today was an awful day.  DH had a seizure, I woke up with a vomit inducing migraine, and the gardeners were here, so Violet was shrieking all day.  After throwing up a few times, I remembered I had just gotten Imitrex shots on Thursday, so I took one of those.  I also used a very strong Indica, "Burgundy Goo," which helped me eat something, and took away another layer of pain.

I have spent the day in pajamas, although I ran out to talk to a GOTV guy.  Violet was going insane, and I said, "Violet, be nice, he's a Democrat," and he laughed.  I am voting straight Dem as always.  I used to split my vote, but no more.

So now we are going into one of my purchase lists, so hang on.  These boots are the highest heel I can wear, but the stacked heel saves me.  Ironically, I couldn't have worn them before my surgery, because my left foot was too mis-shapen.

They are definitely special occasion only.

This top is navy, and is super cute.  It can be layered, and looks really cute with jeans and boots (I have a lot of boots, at the moment):

As much as you can say I am need of a particular type of clothing, blouses are it.

I used this purse Friday night when DH and I went out to eat.

This is a really cute, compact purse, I think the boa trim is visible in this pic.  Again, more of a dress item.

I bought this lamp and lampshade separately.  The base is actually off-white, and I am still deciding whether to pain the metal part.  It is kind of incongruous, but our bed frame was jerry-rigged, we have an Eames era wrought iron bed, which is not standard size.  It has a bit of an industrial look:  We bolted it together, planning to paint the bolts black, but decided we liked the contrast.

So six items for $30 is not the best bargain I have knocked out, but the boots were over a third of that.  The lamp was $2 total.

So that is what I bought on Tuesday.

No seriously, I wore stuff

Okay, I have learned that removing images that I have posted on flickr, even when I lift the html, makes them disappear blog. So sorry that some of my pictures have disappeared. I maybe will fix some of the "outfit" pictures.

I haven't posted any outfits in a while, but that doesn't mean I haven't been keeping records. And I know this is going to be super self-indulgent, but I am going to also start taking pictures of my jewelry, so I can refer to it. Hey, this is my frivolous "what I wore" blog, as well as my pensive "who AM I" blog.

So, I am just going to show "outfits" in order, and then discuss them as I go along. This should be an absolutely riveting post. But I am learning things.

Friday, it began to cool off, but was still warm. The top is an Exhilaration top by Target (which I am currently boycotting). The pants are those ugly Costco Capri's again. We will see these again soon, and I have more to say on that. The hair pin is one of my larger kanzashi, blue and pink. the usual Birkenstock: In my defense, I have to limit my footwear due to foot reconstruction less than a year ago, with more surgery to come.



I also wore these beautiful earrings, another GW find. Perfect fall colors. No necklace, the scoop neck is elasticized and ruffled.



Saturday, I actually had a reason to dress fairly nicely: NakedJen, DH and I had plans for lunch at our usual Ginormous Whole Foods in Cupertino, a central meeting place in the Silicon Valley for us. But, after I got dressed, fate intervened, in the form of a disgruntled host, and two silly dogs, so she had to run back to Santa Cruz. We see each other enough, it wasn't a big deal. But this is what I dressed in:



You are familiar with a lot of these clothes. Brown cotton tunic with embossed insets on the front and the sleeves; Coldwater creek jeans (I am washing these clothes occasionally, so don't panic). I also wore my Bass black zip up ankle boots.
They couldn't be more practical, classic, or comfortable. If I take care of them, I will be able to where them my whole life.

The jewelry is almost all new to you, save those earrings (they go with everything, seriously). On my right wrist, you can see a sculpted silver bangle bracelet, my parents gave it to me for my 16th birthday. I also am wearing a signed Navajo totem charm necklace.This is one of the coolest pieces of jewelry I own. I have to take pictures of these things when I am not wearing them. Again, I see long posts of earrings and necklaces. Riveting reading, hold onto your hats.

Sunday, I didn't feel great, which shows in my demeanor. I was very upset about Heather, I was still in shock. plus, I had a stupid menstrual headache. Oops, was that TMI? That pink shirt with the white "shirt" hanging below it: That is all of a piece, another Costco purchase. Not my favorite. I have a lot of solid color Costco for my old doggie daycare job, as we had to wear solid colored shirts. I didn't want to wear nice enough clothes that I cared if they got ruined by dogs or chemicals.

Now the Capri's. This is their second wear, which is pretty standard for me and pants. With jeans, I usually wear them 3 times, and sometimes, I admit, even a fourth. But look, these are far more awful than they were Friday. I have relegated them to pajamas, or at worst, gym clothes: No more wearing them as "real" clothes. I suspect I have a lot of knits I am going to be equally unhappy with. This is actually becoming a useful way of winnowing and organizing my wardrobe. I ORGANIZED MY CLOSET today. At least what was already in it. I have many more clothes to wash, or get dry cleaned.



As usual, my hair looked like shit. But my necklace was cute:



One of my MANY Wychbury purchases. I just got another packet from them, so I have more fun stuff to show off soon. They created the pansy that is the inspiration for my cover-up tattoo.

Monday I didn't do much, just hung around the house, literally. You may notice I am actually barefoot, which I am trying to not make a habit, I have discovered the more "dressed" I am, the more likely I am to run errands, and go out, which is good for my mental health, and good practice for my social anxiety.

Now I am pretty sure those jeans don't look THAT bad on me. They are just plain old Levis, and I can't recreate that bagginess when I am using my own two eyes. Also, wearing a cheapo Costco henley shirt. AND I noticed a stain on it, so at the end of the day, into the trash it went. So you see, this is a bit like winnowing my wardrobe. Sort of my own little "What Not to Wear."



No jewelry, dirty hair. This is pretty standard when my mood is bobbling around my baseline, I have better and worse days.

On Tuesday, I wore this to my p-doc appt. I know I wore the skirt just the other day, but I thought it was a pretty different look:



I had my hair pulled back, and a Calvin Klein casual scoop-neck long-sleeved top, the sleeves are inset like tiny mutton chop sleeves. Padded shoulders and emphasizing my shoulders (not to 1980s proportions) is supposed to be a good style for apple shaped people. Believe it or not, the shirt looked better tucked in. The necklace is a $2 purchase, it is just faux gold and beads, and it is very long. You can see I have it knotted, and in the picture with DC early in the blog, you can see I am wearing it doubled up. I also am wearing these earrings:



Yes, Wychbury again! They know who I am now. Har.

Today was a double outfit today. That is because I woke up feeling horrible. Seriously awful. I didn't have a headache yet, but I think I staved it off somewhat. Anyway, here I am in jammies, a tshirt, and a jacket (I am always cold when migraine-y



At about 4:30, I started feeling better. I called in my scripts, and realized that on Friday, not only would I have to drive out to Lucky, I wanted to go to Enica's holiday art party at Eni-thing. I decided to just take the American Express gift card Sister2 gave us for our anniversary. DH has spaced on it, and I do want to go to this party, and buy some pretty things, maybe even some early gifts. BUT, I might try to hit up the Sunnyvale GW if I don't get to sleep sometime soon. It is, after all, now 5:30. Who knows, I might stay up and go, then nap. Sigh.

At any rate, I started feeling better, and I decided rather than squeeze in another trip Friday to SBAC dispensary while I was feeling okay, since who knew how I would feel in a bit. Okay, another lesson learned courtesy of the GPS: During rush hour, take side streets. Geez.

DH got home shortly after I did. I actually will admit, I bought a few strains and told him they were purely for headaches, and he was not to smoke it. I also got some hash, since he won't smoke it. That way, at least I know I will have SOMETHING to take every night for the next two weeks, and it is surprisingly cheap. Cannabis is better, but hash will do. I feel bad, I wonder about his dependence, but I actually have more difficulty without it than he. Of course, that is because I start having more migraines, but it also means I have a hard time limiting his intake. Ugh.

More on non fashion topics tomorrow/today.