Pain and Purchases

First, DH's grandmother died yesterday.  He is flying back East for the funeral on Saturday, and will be back Tuesday.  He is not freaking out, but he is more upset than he is letting on.  His dad didn't think we should go, so he decided he is going alone; tickets are so expensive, PLUS all the fees they now have.  He wants to go is to see his grandfather, who is 95.  I never really knew his grandmother, because she already had Alzheimer's when I met her.  So her funeral would be more dutiful than cathartic for me.  

And having been raised Jewish, open caskets freak me out.  Just not a Jewish thing.

In migraine news, I GOT A REFERRAL TO UCSF'S HEADACHE CLINIC!  I had to stop the nortriptyline because of side effects.  They included mental confusion, urinary tract issues, lethargy, poor balance.  And when I went up to a higher dose, my mood was definitely acting up.  I was afraid I was teetering on the edge of a mixed episode.

There may have been just a bit less intensity to the headaches I am getting, but not enough to make the potentially worsening side effects worth it.  After 7 weeks, the side-effects are probably going to last as long as I take it.  I thought I was getting depressed, but now I think it was all Nortriptyline side effects.  

So finally it has come to this:  My neurologist said, "We have a lot of options!"  and immediately suggested Botox  Um, no.  Not under his supervision.  Maybe if UCSF suggests it.  Maybe.  It creeps me out.  Although, the one person I actually have "talked" to about it has loved it, and said it changed her life.  Hmmm.  Blech.

"Well, I've heard fever few an butterbar might help."   Yes, my neurologist thinks I should try herbs.  I asked about acupuncture, and his attitude was, "Sure, try whatever you want, but good luck getting your insurance to pay for it."  We shall see.  I think I am going to go see Angie at Lohaki Acupuncture, even if my insurance won't pay for it; I can start doing that about twice a month.

He also said becoming vegetarian might be a good idea.  I keep saying I want to do that, even if it is just at home.  But it boils down to my being lazy: it seems like all the recipes for main dishes are complex.  And I have trouble gauging how many fruit and vegetables we will eat before they spoil.  Part of the reason for this is that Nortriptyline lethargy has meant I haven't been cooking. At all. We have been grazing, eating cheese, cereal, canned soup, fruit, and too much candy. I keep meaning to learn how to really use beans.  I mean, I use them now and then, but I should soak and freeze batches, or something, they really are so versatile.  And I have a rice cooker, and I love oatmeal.  I guess the first step would be to take stock of which appliances I need, and which I don't, I have way too many cooking appliances.

So anyway, gah.  Oh, and after promising me he would fax the referral to UCSF on  Monday, Dr. Shithead told me it would be out by Friday.  UGH.  I already faxed stuff yesterday (Tuesday), because he TOLD me he was definitely faxing it Monday!  And he had to throw in that he couldn't see what UCSF could do that HE wouldn't already have thought of.  This is the man who does research on Google right in front of me.  I am always far more up to date on migraine treatments than he.  Whatever.  Passive aggressive shmuck.   Seriously, a passive aggressive Dr?  Could there be a worse type of MD to try to develop a relationship with?  And why wouldn't he want me to see a headache specialist after I have been having migraines for over 35 years?  Pussy.

I am his SUPAH DUPAH  NUMBAH ONE migraine patient.  Awesome for a teaching hospital, I am his walking, talking "refractory" specimen.  But he no longer has any idea what to do with me.  And I guess what this is really going to boil down to is poly-pharmacy for my migraines, as well as the BP.  He wouldn't be able to handle a poly-pharmacy approach.

I just have been out of it.  Almost 100% because of the nortriptyline, I am pretty sure.  It takes two weeks for it to be totally out of my system.  

 This is the worst period of migraines I have ever experienced, bar none.  Since last I filled you in, I also tried an stopped using propranolol, because it was clearly working as well as a sugar pill for me.  Next, I tried atenolol, which is in the same class of meds as propranolol (beta blockers), but it gave me a rare side effect: bruxism.  Because of my response to the nortriptyline, other tricyclics are also out of the question.

ANYWAY. I wanted to get back into posting items I bought.  It is an enjoyable pastime for the acquisitive Bipolar part of me, even though this time, it was all full price.  And it gives me something to riff off of, if I am desperate.

First, I was recently pointed towards a website I really like: Dog is Good.  First, I tried their t shirt grab bag: pay $25, and get three random ts. I get a tank top with bling, a light weight logo tshirt, and a tshirt with a logo that actually won a national pet product design contest: KNOW DOG, KNOW JOY, KNOW LOVE.  All very cute, and fun because of the surprise aspect.

Then on FacebookPJs, with a Frenchie on the top, "Le Chien Est Bon."  Very cute.  There is a Frenchie on the top:

There are nice details on it, like ribbon piping around the ankle, from which the hem falls away into a serge stitch hem, so a little ruffling.  And the same with the top.

Now, I really only have a bunch of new costume jewelry to show, but I am a real sucker for costume jewelry.  Unfortunately, one of my favorite necklaces' coating has rubbed off, and now the nickel is exposed to my nickel-allergic skin.

I have a pair of earrings and a necklace that are made by Kerfufle Jewelry, which I bought from one of my favorite little boutiques, Eni-thing, which supports local handmade products.  I bought the earrings first:

It's kind of hard to see, but they are small coin-like hammered metal.  I bought this necklace later:

To be honest, I go back an forth about this pendant.  Sometimes I think it is really cool, other times too garish.  Each strand that goes up to the fastener is different strand one side made of those coin-like beads, as well as a crystal strand.  But it holds up pretty well with a very simple top, because it would be too much for a pattern, imo.

On another visit at Eni-thing, I got a very inexpensive blingy elasticized bracelet.  Very simple but it goes with a lot of things:

Another fun set I collected was the Betsey Johnson French Puppy series.  I got the pendant, both pair of earrings, and best of all, the almost impossible to find charm bracelet:

There are these cute asymmetric dangle earrings, plus there is post version with the same charm: 

I also got a pendant from the same series, but it basically the same Frenchie charm as the earrings, just larger.

I also got some cool t shirts besides those from Dog is Good.  One was from Imogen Heap's Ellipse tour.  Mine actually has a white tree on a white background which is cool up close, but un-photographable, so this is just to give you an idea of the pattern: 

I also bought a cute Honest Kitchen t-shirt.  The Honest Kitchen is the freeze-dried food I feed my Frenchie, Violet.  This one says "Raw + Love = THK:

Wow. Quite a post.  

And none of it that interesting.

Goodwill and cash

So I am behind in what I wore.  Also behind in what I have purchased.  This is going to be a photo dump.  But last weekend I was so busy with class, I was zonked when I got home.  This week, I had so many headaches, I didn't even dress Wednesday.  Then yesterday, I am certain I took a picture, because I keep taking them until they are almost in focus (har) and I saw the picture.  I must have deleted it by accident, but I know I will wear that outfit again, because it was easy and it matched.

Monday, I had the headache I had managed to put off during the weekend.  Saturday and Sunday, I did have to pop a couple of Imitrex, but survived.  I am wearing the "Yes on Prop 19" t shirt I bought at the bookstore at Oaksterdam U.  Awful jeans, they are going into the Goodwill bag, I think they are Target.  And suede Doc Martens MJs.

Tuesday I felt better, and of course, that meant shopping.  Goodwill this time, and I picked out a great deal of stuff for $31 and change.  My spending still sucks, because I am no longer limiting it to Goodwill, though. :(

The top is NY & Co., a turquoise empire top that is distorted by my hips.  The fabric has a kind of gather all over it, you can kind of see it.  Textured fabric is supposed to de-emphasize a lack of waist, and  I have to admit, it almost looks like I have a waist in this picture.  The skirt is Costco, and I keep almost giving it away.  But it is like a pair of jeans.  I see it hits my legs in a horrible spot, so into the Goodwill bag it goes.  The shoes are some black penny loafer mules.  The hairband was some excessive shopping I did in beauty supply store.

I got that headband in black and ivory.  It has an embossed fabric overlay, and a flower pouf-thing.  I am into flowers and pouf at the moment.  I also got a pretty claw clip (it doesn't have that butterfly hinge that is so awful), and a fuzzy ponytail holder.  Then I bought what I actually went in there for:  One of those dye wands for touching up your roots, and a waxing kit.  The wand works pretty well, but it is a little more work than I expected.  It lasts between washes, you can get it wet, but not soapy.  The waxing kit I was going to try tonight, but decided against pulling hair out of my face while I had a headache.  I still have a mask to do tonight, I am girly-girling out.  BUT, my skin has been beyond fantastic.  In fact, I haven't touched the spot zit treatment in days.

I am nervous about the waxing kit.  I have an eyebrow pencil just in case.

Okay, so Wednesday, I was punished for my profligacy (Goodwill finds are coming up).  I was so sick, it was one of the all day ones, where you basically writhe because there is no escape in any position, or with any home remedy.  So no picture.

Thursday I didn't feel great, but I had to get to the supermarket to pick up our meds, DH was about to totally run out.  You've seen that shirt before, in a variety of colors.  I wore the black one on Friday.  I look like shit in general, and those are the same awful jeans.  That is an old Target purse, and the shoes are pink and white mules, also from Target.

Yesterday, I wore new black knit pants I got Tuesday.  They are knit, but structured (they zip up the side), so they look like nice pants, not my usual knits.  The black shirt version of the pink-y shirt above, and a red Ann Taylor sweater coat (not the full length time).  It is one of my favorite pieces of clothing, although to be honest, it is over-sized.  I like how it looks though.  I wore a pair of black skimmers (how many pair of black shoes do I own?).  I wore my black hairband, and the necklace I had purchased at Eni-thing, which matched earrings I had purchased a month or so ago.

Today was an awful day.  DH had a seizure, I woke up with a vomit inducing migraine, and the gardeners were here, so Violet was shrieking all day.  After throwing up a few times, I remembered I had just gotten Imitrex shots on Thursday, so I took one of those.  I also used a very strong Indica, "Burgundy Goo," which helped me eat something, and took away another layer of pain.

I have spent the day in pajamas, although I ran out to talk to a GOTV guy.  Violet was going insane, and I said, "Violet, be nice, he's a Democrat," and he laughed.  I am voting straight Dem as always.  I used to split my vote, but no more.

So now we are going into one of my purchase lists, so hang on.  These boots are the highest heel I can wear, but the stacked heel saves me.  Ironically, I couldn't have worn them before my surgery, because my left foot was too mis-shapen.

They are definitely special occasion only.

This top is navy, and is super cute.  It can be layered, and looks really cute with jeans and boots (I have a lot of boots, at the moment):

As much as you can say I am need of a particular type of clothing, blouses are it.

I used this purse Friday night when DH and I went out to eat.

This is a really cute, compact purse, I think the boa trim is visible in this pic.  Again, more of a dress item.

I bought this lamp and lampshade separately.  The base is actually off-white, and I am still deciding whether to pain the metal part.  It is kind of incongruous, but our bed frame was jerry-rigged, we have an Eames era wrought iron bed, which is not standard size.  It has a bit of an industrial look:  We bolted it together, planning to paint the bolts black, but decided we liked the contrast.

So six items for $30 is not the best bargain I have knocked out, but the boots were over a third of that.  The lamp was $2 total.

So that is what I bought on Tuesday.

No seriously, I wore stuff

Okay, I have learned that removing images that I have posted on flickr, even when I lift the html, makes them disappear blog. So sorry that some of my pictures have disappeared. I maybe will fix some of the "outfit" pictures.

I haven't posted any outfits in a while, but that doesn't mean I haven't been keeping records. And I know this is going to be super self-indulgent, but I am going to also start taking pictures of my jewelry, so I can refer to it. Hey, this is my frivolous "what I wore" blog, as well as my pensive "who AM I" blog.

So, I am just going to show "outfits" in order, and then discuss them as I go along. This should be an absolutely riveting post. But I am learning things.

Friday, it began to cool off, but was still warm. The top is an Exhilaration top by Target (which I am currently boycotting). The pants are those ugly Costco Capri's again. We will see these again soon, and I have more to say on that. The hair pin is one of my larger kanzashi, blue and pink. the usual Birkenstock: In my defense, I have to limit my footwear due to foot reconstruction less than a year ago, with more surgery to come.



I also wore these beautiful earrings, another GW find. Perfect fall colors. No necklace, the scoop neck is elasticized and ruffled.



Saturday, I actually had a reason to dress fairly nicely: NakedJen, DH and I had plans for lunch at our usual Ginormous Whole Foods in Cupertino, a central meeting place in the Silicon Valley for us. But, after I got dressed, fate intervened, in the form of a disgruntled host, and two silly dogs, so she had to run back to Santa Cruz. We see each other enough, it wasn't a big deal. But this is what I dressed in:



You are familiar with a lot of these clothes. Brown cotton tunic with embossed insets on the front and the sleeves; Coldwater creek jeans (I am washing these clothes occasionally, so don't panic). I also wore my Bass black zip up ankle boots.
They couldn't be more practical, classic, or comfortable. If I take care of them, I will be able to where them my whole life.

The jewelry is almost all new to you, save those earrings (they go with everything, seriously). On my right wrist, you can see a sculpted silver bangle bracelet, my parents gave it to me for my 16th birthday. I also am wearing a signed Navajo totem charm necklace.This is one of the coolest pieces of jewelry I own. I have to take pictures of these things when I am not wearing them. Again, I see long posts of earrings and necklaces. Riveting reading, hold onto your hats.

Sunday, I didn't feel great, which shows in my demeanor. I was very upset about Heather, I was still in shock. plus, I had a stupid menstrual headache. Oops, was that TMI? That pink shirt with the white "shirt" hanging below it: That is all of a piece, another Costco purchase. Not my favorite. I have a lot of solid color Costco for my old doggie daycare job, as we had to wear solid colored shirts. I didn't want to wear nice enough clothes that I cared if they got ruined by dogs or chemicals.

Now the Capri's. This is their second wear, which is pretty standard for me and pants. With jeans, I usually wear them 3 times, and sometimes, I admit, even a fourth. But look, these are far more awful than they were Friday. I have relegated them to pajamas, or at worst, gym clothes: No more wearing them as "real" clothes. I suspect I have a lot of knits I am going to be equally unhappy with. This is actually becoming a useful way of winnowing and organizing my wardrobe. I ORGANIZED MY CLOSET today. At least what was already in it. I have many more clothes to wash, or get dry cleaned.



As usual, my hair looked like shit. But my necklace was cute:



One of my MANY Wychbury purchases. I just got another packet from them, so I have more fun stuff to show off soon. They created the pansy that is the inspiration for my cover-up tattoo.

Monday I didn't do much, just hung around the house, literally. You may notice I am actually barefoot, which I am trying to not make a habit, I have discovered the more "dressed" I am, the more likely I am to run errands, and go out, which is good for my mental health, and good practice for my social anxiety.

Now I am pretty sure those jeans don't look THAT bad on me. They are just plain old Levis, and I can't recreate that bagginess when I am using my own two eyes. Also, wearing a cheapo Costco henley shirt. AND I noticed a stain on it, so at the end of the day, into the trash it went. So you see, this is a bit like winnowing my wardrobe. Sort of my own little "What Not to Wear."



No jewelry, dirty hair. This is pretty standard when my mood is bobbling around my baseline, I have better and worse days.

On Tuesday, I wore this to my p-doc appt. I know I wore the skirt just the other day, but I thought it was a pretty different look:



I had my hair pulled back, and a Calvin Klein casual scoop-neck long-sleeved top, the sleeves are inset like tiny mutton chop sleeves. Padded shoulders and emphasizing my shoulders (not to 1980s proportions) is supposed to be a good style for apple shaped people. Believe it or not, the shirt looked better tucked in. The necklace is a $2 purchase, it is just faux gold and beads, and it is very long. You can see I have it knotted, and in the picture with DC early in the blog, you can see I am wearing it doubled up. I also am wearing these earrings:



Yes, Wychbury again! They know who I am now. Har.

Today was a double outfit today. That is because I woke up feeling horrible. Seriously awful. I didn't have a headache yet, but I think I staved it off somewhat. Anyway, here I am in jammies, a tshirt, and a jacket (I am always cold when migraine-y



At about 4:30, I started feeling better. I called in my scripts, and realized that on Friday, not only would I have to drive out to Lucky, I wanted to go to Enica's holiday art party at Eni-thing. I decided to just take the American Express gift card Sister2 gave us for our anniversary. DH has spaced on it, and I do want to go to this party, and buy some pretty things, maybe even some early gifts. BUT, I might try to hit up the Sunnyvale GW if I don't get to sleep sometime soon. It is, after all, now 5:30. Who knows, I might stay up and go, then nap. Sigh.

At any rate, I started feeling better, and I decided rather than squeeze in another trip Friday to SBAC dispensary while I was feeling okay, since who knew how I would feel in a bit. Okay, another lesson learned courtesy of the GPS: During rush hour, take side streets. Geez.

DH got home shortly after I did. I actually will admit, I bought a few strains and told him they were purely for headaches, and he was not to smoke it. I also got some hash, since he won't smoke it. That way, at least I know I will have SOMETHING to take every night for the next two weeks, and it is surprisingly cheap. Cannabis is better, but hash will do. I feel bad, I wonder about his dependence, but I actually have more difficulty without it than he. Of course, that is because I start having more migraines, but it also means I have a hard time limiting his intake. Ugh.

More on non fashion topics tomorrow/today.

Shopping and eating.

I had a very bad night's sleep last night. In fact, I went to bed at 2pm this afternoon, and woke up about 4 hours later. Now my head is killing me. I am worried that my mood and headaches are tugging each other along, but see my shrink on the 19th, and I am not in crisis.

So while I do plan to get back to my Lush life posts, I did sort of want to make an effort to chronicle what I wear. Both as an exercise in persistence, and maybe to help me learn how to "see" myself in clothes. So these are not examples of any real fashion sense, although it would be interesting if I could use a blog to develop one.

I forgot to mention that Thursday, I bit the bullet, and bought some Wacoal bras. Sure, they look like they could shield my tits from heavy ordinance, but they are COMFORTABLE! And for that much money, they damn well fucking better be. I just bought two, figuring I would get sized at the Famous Lingerie shop, and then order them from less expensive places. Well, I cannot find anyplace that sells them for less (in fact, even the few dollar difference in the styles I got are matched). Going to Nordstroms to get fitted for the bras was what gave me the excuse to bop over to Lush again, by the by.

Saturday, we hung out at home. in the early afternoon, I decided to hit the Goodwill on De Anza. I actually wore the blue capris again, because they were good for one more wear, and I didn't want to wear them somewhere nice. I also wore a slightly rumpled Nine West black tunic, with embossing down the arms and front, and a lace up neck. I didn't feel I needed to look my very freshest for staff of Goodwill. I'm a bitch, but I am also one of the better dressed customers.



Oh, why do I attract sad, lonely, little old ladies? I say something polite to them, and suddenly it as if I have found a stray. I don't want to discourage them from talking to me, I understand why they do it. But I don't know what to say. I guess by just talking, that is enough. I usually can think of a reason to break things off eventually.

At the De Anza Goodwill, I got some Coldwater Creek straight leg jeans (a brand cut well for me), a really cute makeup box (to be displayed on a post soon). Also, some very minimialist gladiator sandals, and a really cute pair of autumnal earrings:





we decided to go out for dinner at Yuki Sushi. This is a lovely Japanese restaurant two miles away, which serves fusion rolls for our gaijin palates, but is always crammed with native Japanese families. I think this was the 4th time we have been there in a year, which is a lot for us. So I wore my new Coldwater Creek jeans, and the black version of the Nine West tunic (I tend to buy shirts I like in more than one color). I wore my "gypsy" necklace, which has brass stars and coins, and my new earrings. Also, my minimalist gladiators.

Another item I have really fallen in love with lately are kanzashi, which are japanese hair ornaments of stiffly starched and folded fabric: Here are one of each pair of mine, and I do plan to get a pair or two more from where I bought these, at Eni-thing:

So I felt very pulled together on Saturday, freshly showered, hair as "done" as I do it. I even wore foundation and eye makeup. We had really great sushi. And by the time I got home, I had a migraine. UUGGHH!

So that pretty much took care of Sunday.

It is very late Wednesday, and I would like to try to work on going to bed. I still have to tell you about what I wore Monday and Tuesday, and my failure to engage at the Goodwill in Santa Clara Tuesday.

As I said, the bad news is I am not sleeping. Although I only slept 4 hours after being awake for 24, 10 hours has passed since I woke, and I am not tired.

Well, I keep raising topics for new posts. If I continue to do this, I am going to have to write blog task lists. Still, better to have too much to write about, than not enough.

I will leave you with my jammies. It has cooled off here quite abruptly.