Pain and Purchases

First, DH's grandmother died yesterday.  He is flying back East for the funeral on Saturday, and will be back Tuesday.  He is not freaking out, but he is more upset than he is letting on.  His dad didn't think we should go, so he decided he is going alone; tickets are so expensive, PLUS all the fees they now have.  He wants to go is to see his grandfather, who is 95.  I never really knew his grandmother, because she already had Alzheimer's when I met her.  So her funeral would be more dutiful than cathartic for me.  

And having been raised Jewish, open caskets freak me out.  Just not a Jewish thing.

In migraine news, I GOT A REFERRAL TO UCSF'S HEADACHE CLINIC!  I had to stop the nortriptyline because of side effects.  They included mental confusion, urinary tract issues, lethargy, poor balance.  And when I went up to a higher dose, my mood was definitely acting up.  I was afraid I was teetering on the edge of a mixed episode.

There may have been just a bit less intensity to the headaches I am getting, but not enough to make the potentially worsening side effects worth it.  After 7 weeks, the side-effects are probably going to last as long as I take it.  I thought I was getting depressed, but now I think it was all Nortriptyline side effects.  

So finally it has come to this:  My neurologist said, "We have a lot of options!"  and immediately suggested Botox  Um, no.  Not under his supervision.  Maybe if UCSF suggests it.  Maybe.  It creeps me out.  Although, the one person I actually have "talked" to about it has loved it, and said it changed her life.  Hmmm.  Blech.

"Well, I've heard fever few an butterbar might help."   Yes, my neurologist thinks I should try herbs.  I asked about acupuncture, and his attitude was, "Sure, try whatever you want, but good luck getting your insurance to pay for it."  We shall see.  I think I am going to go see Angie at Lohaki Acupuncture, even if my insurance won't pay for it; I can start doing that about twice a month.

He also said becoming vegetarian might be a good idea.  I keep saying I want to do that, even if it is just at home.  But it boils down to my being lazy: it seems like all the recipes for main dishes are complex.  And I have trouble gauging how many fruit and vegetables we will eat before they spoil.  Part of the reason for this is that Nortriptyline lethargy has meant I haven't been cooking. At all. We have been grazing, eating cheese, cereal, canned soup, fruit, and too much candy. I keep meaning to learn how to really use beans.  I mean, I use them now and then, but I should soak and freeze batches, or something, they really are so versatile.  And I have a rice cooker, and I love oatmeal.  I guess the first step would be to take stock of which appliances I need, and which I don't, I have way too many cooking appliances.

So anyway, gah.  Oh, and after promising me he would fax the referral to UCSF on  Monday, Dr. Shithead told me it would be out by Friday.  UGH.  I already faxed stuff yesterday (Tuesday), because he TOLD me he was definitely faxing it Monday!  And he had to throw in that he couldn't see what UCSF could do that HE wouldn't already have thought of.  This is the man who does research on Google right in front of me.  I am always far more up to date on migraine treatments than he.  Whatever.  Passive aggressive shmuck.   Seriously, a passive aggressive Dr?  Could there be a worse type of MD to try to develop a relationship with?  And why wouldn't he want me to see a headache specialist after I have been having migraines for over 35 years?  Pussy.

I am his SUPAH DUPAH  NUMBAH ONE migraine patient.  Awesome for a teaching hospital, I am his walking, talking "refractory" specimen.  But he no longer has any idea what to do with me.  And I guess what this is really going to boil down to is poly-pharmacy for my migraines, as well as the BP.  He wouldn't be able to handle a poly-pharmacy approach.

I just have been out of it.  Almost 100% because of the nortriptyline, I am pretty sure.  It takes two weeks for it to be totally out of my system.  

 This is the worst period of migraines I have ever experienced, bar none.  Since last I filled you in, I also tried an stopped using propranolol, because it was clearly working as well as a sugar pill for me.  Next, I tried atenolol, which is in the same class of meds as propranolol (beta blockers), but it gave me a rare side effect: bruxism.  Because of my response to the nortriptyline, other tricyclics are also out of the question.

ANYWAY. I wanted to get back into posting items I bought.  It is an enjoyable pastime for the acquisitive Bipolar part of me, even though this time, it was all full price.  And it gives me something to riff off of, if I am desperate.

First, I was recently pointed towards a website I really like: Dog is Good.  First, I tried their t shirt grab bag: pay $25, and get three random ts. I get a tank top with bling, a light weight logo tshirt, and a tshirt with a logo that actually won a national pet product design contest: KNOW DOG, KNOW JOY, KNOW LOVE.  All very cute, and fun because of the surprise aspect.

Then on FacebookPJs, with a Frenchie on the top, "Le Chien Est Bon."  Very cute.  There is a Frenchie on the top:

There are nice details on it, like ribbon piping around the ankle, from which the hem falls away into a serge stitch hem, so a little ruffling.  And the same with the top.

Now, I really only have a bunch of new costume jewelry to show, but I am a real sucker for costume jewelry.  Unfortunately, one of my favorite necklaces' coating has rubbed off, and now the nickel is exposed to my nickel-allergic skin.

I have a pair of earrings and a necklace that are made by Kerfufle Jewelry, which I bought from one of my favorite little boutiques, Eni-thing, which supports local handmade products.  I bought the earrings first:

It's kind of hard to see, but they are small coin-like hammered metal.  I bought this necklace later:

To be honest, I go back an forth about this pendant.  Sometimes I think it is really cool, other times too garish.  Each strand that goes up to the fastener is different strand one side made of those coin-like beads, as well as a crystal strand.  But it holds up pretty well with a very simple top, because it would be too much for a pattern, imo.

On another visit at Eni-thing, I got a very inexpensive blingy elasticized bracelet.  Very simple but it goes with a lot of things:

Another fun set I collected was the Betsey Johnson French Puppy series.  I got the pendant, both pair of earrings, and best of all, the almost impossible to find charm bracelet:

There are these cute asymmetric dangle earrings, plus there is post version with the same charm: 

I also got a pendant from the same series, but it basically the same Frenchie charm as the earrings, just larger.

I also got some cool t shirts besides those from Dog is Good.  One was from Imogen Heap's Ellipse tour.  Mine actually has a white tree on a white background which is cool up close, but un-photographable, so this is just to give you an idea of the pattern: 

I also bought a cute Honest Kitchen t-shirt.  The Honest Kitchen is the freeze-dried food I feed my Frenchie, Violet.  This one says "Raw + Love = THK:

Wow. Quite a post.  

And none of it that interesting.

Lush Lust, Fear of Makeup, and what makes a girly-girl, Part the Second

So while I could rant and rave some more about Lush, I have decided to restrain myself for the moment, and move onto other topics. See, I didn't even link to their site.

As I said earlier, this blog was a response to nakedjen's series on makeup that she wrote to participate in a project by Rabbit Write. It made me think about how makeup has played different roles in my life at different times. In Junior High, it was about rebellion and exploring sexuality. In High School, it was de rigeur, I didn't even think about it. I didn't care if people saw me without makeup, but my routine was to wear it.

In college, I continued to wear it, more or less. I started to suffer my first depression my freshman year of college. Makeup became a little more erratic during those periods. And I went through extremes. At one point, I spent over $100 buying makeup at the Coop, allowing a middle aged, over made-up woman convince me to buy everything from moisturizer to powder, as if it were soup to nuts. I was probably a little hypo manic, but of course, I had no clue about those things in those days. $100 was a lot of money for me. It was technically a month's allowance (although I can genuinely say this was ridiculously low: Even the students receiving full scholarships were given more spending money than that). I worked under the table, because my parents had some arrangement with their taxes to help pay my tuition. But it wasn't much. But usually I just wore eye liner, and mascara, and maybe some blusher. I did that pretty consistently through the age of 25.

Then I got terribly sick, and almost died of a systemic infection while I was teaching at a boarding school, and they wouldn't give me the necessary time off to recover (a long story). I struggled to get through the final semester, one during which I already knew I had been laid off. So I was looking for work, weak from illness, and becoming clinically depressed (I was already under treatment at that point). At that point, I stopped wearing makeup for about three years. I had to start wearing it again when I began working clinics at law school, there is just a certain standard attire that attorneys wear, and you don't want to attract attention to yourself, when your client should be the focus.

In spite of living in San Francisco during law school, a city in which there seems to be an ordinance requiring women to wear lipstick, I never started to wear it. Most women wore it because it was protective against the wind in SF, which chapped their lips. Carmex was another big item, the men tended to use that. But I found I unconsciously chewed lipstick, Carmex, chapstick, whatever, off my lips. So between dampening them and chewing on them, lipstick made it much, much worse. Nonetheless, I am one of those people whose smile splits their lips into a bloody mess during part of every year. The most I wear is a touch of stain (as in, I put on a little lipstick, then blot my lips like crazy so there is no sticky feeling).

It was around this time, that I began to feel a little clownish in makeup. I would see pictures of me, and my cheeks looked insanely red, instead, of highlighted. My eye makeup would smear, and create dark circles of mascara and eyeliner around the rim of my eyes. I also began to rub my eyes more, because of allergies. This meant I was getting makeup in my eyes, and irritating the hell out of them. At this point, I tried switching from Clinique (which was what everyone I knew wore), to Origins, which touted itself has a natural, hypo-allergenic, alternative makeup. But I didn't like their narrow range of colors (this was when they first appeared), and wearing it actually seemed to make things worse.

So I rededicated myself to just doing my eyes, with an occasional touch of blusher for special occasions, although I began to hate it so much, I soon stopped wearing it at all. I began to realize that my two straight sisters, who were very fashion conscious, seemed to have somehow magically acquired make-up skills I had not. I still had the awkward hand of a 13 year-old, whereas makeup enhanced their looks, without being obvious. I have no idea where they learned such things. My mother never wore make-up, and as a rather simple-minded feminist, didn't approve of our wearing it. Don't get me wrong, I am a rabid feminist, but there are some people whose grasp of the movement is so rudimentary, it is almost parochial.

But my sisters had more girlfriends in high school than I did. Our prep school went co-ed 4 years before I began to attend, so girls made up just 20% of the student body. By the time my youngest sisters were attending, it was more like 40%. I enjoyed being in a very "male" school. I wasn't precocious sexually, so while I was interested in boys, I wasn't really interested in sexual relationships. I played Dungeons & Dragons, Ultimate Frisbee, and hung out with the Theater Geeks, who at that point were still largely male. Yet in spite of our shared interest in theater, the guys and I did not swap makeup tips. I had no one who could teach me how to wear it, so I largely imitated what I saw the other teenage girls do. I remember candy flavored Bonne Belle lip gloss, blech. But I used it. And Charlie perfume. It was what everyone else at my school wore. What a cacophony of scents that must have been.

When I went to France at 17, and accidentally stumbled on a French cologne that just smelled amazing on me, Courreges En Bleu (the "in" is a bastardization for Americans), I considered myself kind of avant garde for wearing it. A real French scent! I wore it for years. Anyway, my sisters gave me a few tips about how to do my eyes, and I can now do kind of a "daily wear" look that is acceptable, and a mildly more sophisticated party look.

Wow, this is so not interesting. But I have gone this far.

I continued to wear makeup for work throughout most of my adult life, until I was about 36. At that point, I met DH. He wasn't interested in makeup, and like a lot of guys, insisted I wore it for other women, and not for men. Not that I think his premise was entirely wrong. But I genuinely felt it made me more attractive, period, it wasn't truly directed at either gender. I wore as much makeup for my copious number of gay friends as I did on dates. Although come to think of it, my gay male friends approved of when I put myself together particularly well, and made a big fuss over me. I always was told I looked "amazing" when I dressed for club events. I remember the New Year's before I met DH, I bought a brown velvet short-sleeved, A-line shift. I was at my thinnest ever as an adult (a side effect of Depakote, although it usually makes people gain weight). I had a fresh haircut, from my fabulous stylist, who next I am in Pittsburgh, I should probably go see for old times' sake: he did my hair for my wedding. I actually not only used product on my hair, something I do maybe once ever 6 months, for once it actually came out perfectly. I had some sparkly jewelry, and hair pins. I was one of the few straight people at the New Year's party, but I got a ton of attention.

I met DH two months later. I still did a lot of volunteer work in the GLBT community, especially with syringe exchange and as a youth chaperone for our GLBTQ youth group at the Pittsburgh GLCC. But I wasn't as involved in the social life as I had been. A few months later, I was out of work, but engaged. I started only wearing makeup for special occasions, but I felt less and less skilled at it.

For our wedding, I got a lesson from a makeup artist, who was actually supposed to do my makeup on my wedding day. As usual, the schedule went to hell, so I cancelled, and decided to do it myself by memory. I remember I bought a special foundation that my sister actually made me stop and buy on my way from the red eye between SFO and PIT (with a stopover in Charlotte, ugh). Clarins, of some sort. I have a funny memory, it is kind of steel trap. I remember incidents in my friends lives, and mention them, and they say they had entirely forgotten about that, until I mentioned it.

My wedding was really the last time I wore makeup with any regularity. Over the years, I had accumulated a rather large supply of makeup, and as gross as it is, I didn't know any better, and used it on the occasions I did get dressed up. It looked horrible. Of course. I started working with dogs, the first job where makeup was actually inappropriate. I threw out all of my makeup, and didn't wear any again until my sister's wedding in 2006. My sister, the fashion maven, the good looking one, a VP of Buying at Neiman Marcus. Also, she was getting married in Florence (where she did an exchange year, she is fluent in Italian), and was paying for our hotel, and half our airfare, making it a trip to Europe for what it would have cost to go to a US wedding. It was the first semi-formal evening wedding I had ever been to, as well.

At this point, I was no longer thin. I felt big and coarse. I had a farmer's tan from working in the Sun with dogs. I knew I had no eye for what looked good on me, which is why this very sister flew out to Pittsburgh to go dress shopping for my wedding: she was the only family member who could guess what would flatter me. But that was not an option this time, she was a little busy planning her overseas wedding, and my dress was probably not the highest priority. NakedJen to the rescue! She not only helped me pick out an appropriate dress, she made sure I got shoes that would work with it, and lent me her evening wrap.

I also felt like I had to wear makeup for this. My sister's friends were all very appearance oriented (not that they are jerks to others about it, but it matters to them how they look). I knew people would be wearing designer dresses, and have their hair up, and everything. So I decided I had to get some makeup, and I had to get my nails done. I got acrylics for the first time ever (which was an experiment that lasted three months, what a waste of time). The cool thing is my nails really show up in the pictures of my pointing to features at Stonehenge. That was about the only thing that was cool, although I received lots of compliments. I imitated Sister3's makeup, so I didn't feel too bad. Sister3, Sister2, Sister1, and myself:



So I thought that was the last of the makeup for a while. I threw out a lot of stuff.

But as often happens as bipolar people age, the type of episodes, and the frequency with which I was having them, was increasing. For the first time I started having mixed episodes, which even people who experience psychoses say is the single most miserable type of mood episode to have. I now have those about three times a year, my last really bad one was in May/June. In addition, as I swung towards a mixed episode, I often passed through a period of hypo mania. Sometimes I stop at hypo mania, sometimes I will go on to have a minor mania, but the point is, my illness took a sharp turn in the spring of 2006.

Along with hypo mania (and mania) comes flamboyance, and wasteful spending on things that seem ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY FOR SURVIVAL at the time you buy them. Things like purses, and glass ornaments, and (I admit it) costume jewelry, and shoes. I have been lucky in that I have only gotten myself into financial trouble once, it was from a mix of my mood disorder and hospital bills (this was that awful year, when I was 25), and I pulled myself out of the financial hole bit by bit, and then DH helped me get entirely back on track. At one point, the FDIC wouldn't allow me to have a bank account, because I had bounced so many checks. The symptoms of bipolar illness are not just physical.

During one of the episodes I have had recently, I bought some makeup at Costco: Their Kirkland Brand Borghese Mineral Make Up kit, and mascara. I liked it, but I didn't wear it too often. I wasn't happy with my skin, and while I do believe that the mineral makeup is safer for my skin, I don't believe it has any curative properties, the way many claim it does. Also, I didn't really have any nice eyeliner. I tried the Kirkland version of ProActiv, but while it did work to an extent, it dried out my skin, and I couldn't find the balance between pimply and flaky. I just didn't like to look at my face.

Then, in spite of DH's unemployment (he was unemployed for 10 months, and I only worked for three months of that time, very part-time, earning very little), he told me to go with NakedJen back to the Oregon Country Fair for the second time in a row. The OCF is the best time evah. It is music, and magic, and costumes, and food, and performances, and crafts, and art, and just fun. It has stretched my boundaries both years I have gone. I have come back floating on a cloud both times as well. Last year I went with DH, this year I went on my own, and met NJ and her friend D in Veneta (which I finally learned to pronounce correctly this year).

I had beyond hinted that I wanted to go. I had basically oozed desire to go to the Fair all year long. When he got laid off in October, there was a little voice in the back of my head that said, "Surely he will be working in time for the OCF, right?" Awful of me, but true. When he told me to just go, and not worry about it, I was ecstatic. I was also in the middle of a rather bad episode, that seemed to teeter between hypo mania and a mixed state. I was frenetic, and I wanted to buy things. The Fair is about festive dress, and while I had had some clothes last year, I new I had to add to my "fairy" wardrobe. Fortunately, by sheer happenstance, the best place to go shopping for this kind of thing is vintage and thrift stores, or the monetary damage would have been pretty bad. I shopped and shopped. I started to buy makeup for the fair, as well. Eyeliner, eyeshadow, glitter, mascara. And I began to practice. I decided no one was here to see me, except for DH, and I just told him I was practicing with makeup, and some of it was going to look awful, and I was going to take it off right after I put it on, to try again, so he wouldn't have to suffer through any particular look for long. He was surprised I was so concerned about what he thought. I can be kind of defensive about things I don't feel confident about sometimes (do I really need two "abouts" in that sentence? Hmmm).

So I practiced. Every night. And because I was hypo, I caked it on, and looked like I belonged in the Cirque de Soleil (which by the way, would have been a totally appropriate look for the OCF, but was not what I was after). I wore makeup on the first day of the fair, and I wasn't thrilled with it. But it all melted off my face anyway, in the unbelievable heat and humidity of that day. After that, I stuck to the famous MAC Glitter, spreading it all over my face, hair, overexposed chest, etc. I was complimented all day. I also was wearing my most fun purchase that day, a little bustle over skirt. I had unknowingly brought a black skort, which was just the right length for the bustle. The only picture of me at the Oregon Country Fair:



I came home with a new interest in makeup. I started to wear it just a bit more. Especially eye makeup, but I began to wear a bit of the mineral foundation, it was so light. For going out, I started wearing the very pale pink mineral eye shadow, that just had a glisten to it, and grey and purple eyeliner (not at the same time), to go with my green eyes. I put just a dusting of blush on my cheeks, and what I liked was I could rub off a little, so it blended and lightened, and I didn't feel so clown-like.

I still struggled with certain aspects. But I for some reason kept practicing, even after the fair. And then, just about 8 weeks later, I went to Lush, and started cleaning my skin with their products, and suddenly, my skin is really nice. I can wear foundation or not, it looks good. And I don't feel a little bit phony, the way I always used to, when I was made up, with obvious acne, as if I were somehow pretending it wasn't there (I know, that is definitely a weird train of thought, but remember, I'm nuts).

Because I had not really used makeup so regularly in so long, I had things divided up into ziploc bags: Eye makeup in one, lipsticks and gloss in another, blush in another. It was unwieldy and ugly. And then one day I happened across this at a Goodwill:





What caught my eye (as DC can probably guess) is that it has a very similar logo to It's a Girl Thing's shop sign. But I also loved how feminine it was. And Principessa, it was like a cross between a fairy tale and a trip to Italy. So I bought it, and crossed my fingers that my makeup would fit, because it was kind of petite, not full lunchbox sized. In fact, Principessa is a line of cosmetics, and the box was part of a gift set that had been used up (I research the strangest things). Anyway, here it is, with the makeup put away:



So I am back to wearing makeup again. I still feel like I have a bit of a heavy hand, and tend to wipe a lot of color off my face whenever I put it on. But I don't feel like I am freakish. I am a bit hypo/mixed right now, and I am wondering how long this will last.

But it makes me feel really feminine, in a way it never has in and of itself before now. I still am scared of the Cirque du Soleil look creeping up on me, but I feel better when I am wearing it. Clothes are making me feel more feminine, too. It is funny at 47 I am having this sudden urge to enhance my femininity. Or maybe it is totally not funny, maybe it is to be expected, as one way of confronting the next stage of my life as a woman. I am deep in to peri-menopause. Maybe this is my way of countering aging.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la meme chose....

Lush Lust, Fear of Makeup, and what makes a girly-girl, Part the First

I have new finds to show you, and old finds from earlier this summer, that I got for the Oregon Country Fair, to which I went with my dear friend Nakedjen for the second year. Not everything I purchased as fair-wear (fairware?) was worn, it was so hot. But I definitely can wear some those items in "the real world." And I have other finds I made throughout the summer. Oh, you will be inundated with thrift shop purchases. But that requires some organization. Organization and I kinda don't get along. To be fair, I think it is Her fault: She has all these imaginary categories and locations where things are "supposed to go," whereas all I see are flat surfaces where I can stack and pile stuff, and closets where I can shove things in and close doors.

We aren't talking about my failure to organize right now. That would require some history going back a few years, if by a few years, you mean my entire life. Relevant history, but not history that is important to the story yet.

So. Before I examine my dressing and undressing any further, I decided to talk about what we do when we take all of our clothes off. Stop that, "[y]ou'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking." I am talking about bathing. It is more girl-y fun then talking about my appearance, not to mention much easier to talk about. So I am going to tell you all about my new-found appreciation for, and somewhat profligate purchases of LUSH products.

For one thing, their stores smell wonderful but CLEAN, and not overpowering. The way your bathroom does after you have taken a long soak, or a shower with a lot of scented items, NOT like those perfumed pits of purification purgatory. I can't get near a Bath & Body Works, or Crabtree & Evelyn without a headache from the scents wafting and attaching directly onto my quivering neuro-transmitters. Not the case at Lush. I could pick something up, and smell its individual smell, and not be overwhelmed with a miasma of competing scents.

My sister, S2, who believes it is always important to spend *some* money totally uselessly and frivolously (she works for Neiman-Marcus, after all) gave me $100 to blow on whatever for my 47th birthday. And since in addition to soapy needs, I have *just* begun to worry about my skin aging, I decided to try "dabbling in Lush," to paraphrase a Senatorial candidate, I was curious to hear if all the raves true.

I bought a great deal: In the picture above, I placed it in a marble polished bowls embedded with fossils my mom's college roommate gave us for our wedding. We don't get to use it enough, it is so pretty, and it was an "artistic" way to give you an idea of the sheer quantity of what I bought (admittedly, there was a smaller second trip). Soap, shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, facial cleanser, face serum, shower sugar scrubs, and more. This is particularly interesting when one considers I don't take baths, period, and I don't really shower as much as I should.

Mentally ill people tend to let themselves go when it comes to personal hygiene. Of course, there are illnesses where obsessive cleaning is part of the disorder, but that is less common. I usually barely shower twice a week. If there is an event, I will shower a third time. But if the third shower accidentally results in two consecutive days of showers, it is not only noteworthy, it is celebrated. Hurray, a short period of bathing like the average American!

I do think Americans shower too much, but I should really be showering every other day, not every 3-7 days. It seems so obvious, and so easy, that it is crazy that I don't do so. But I am just not interested enough to take action. No surprise, since it is common "crazy."

But oddly enough, I love soaps. My friend J, whom I have known for some time, and really love, began to make cold process soap as a hobby a few years ago. To be honest, I bought some of her soap to be polite to support her in her new venture, initially. But it was amazing. It lathered like crazy, it left my skin noticeably softer and without residue. And the yummy smells! I never have thought of myself as loving perfumed anything, but I adore the smell of bathing accouterments. I bought copious amounts of soap from J, and in fact, still have three full bars, and a half bar, that I am loath to use. That is because J has moved on to other hobbies, and once these bars are gone, it is the end of Daisy Roo Creations, at least those pertaining to soap.

In the interim, because I now REFUSE TO GO BACK to regular commercial soap, I have been going through a small stockpile of olive oil-based soaps we bought in Provence in 2004, with the idea of distributing them to family. Of course (of course) that never came to fruition. But I was running low on those as well. All that is left is a diminishing bar of lavender. A crisis point was being reached.

In the past, I have often given Lush gifts to my sisters and friends. I knew there was something of a cult of Lush. One thing you will find out about me: If something is a "fad," I dig in my heels, and make a pointed and vocal refusal to follow along with the crowd.... Then a few months or years later, I quietly adopt the item or behavior that I proudly resisted previously. So for years, in spite of sprinkling gifts from Lush on my family and friends, I owned nary an item. Nonetheless, I noted when a store opened in the big mall near me.

So the time had come. Imaginary drums rolled. I walked into my first Lush store at the end of August. Oh Happy Day.

Purchases on the first day: Joy of Jelly shower jelly; Happy Hippy shower gel (I had tried this one while visiting nakedjen); a chunk of Alkmoor soap; two sugar scrubs, ginger & fennel and sugar babe; a solid shampoo, I think it is called trichomania, but it isn't on the site at the moment; a facial scrub, Angels on Bare Skin; and a solid serum, that you warm between your hands, and massage onto your face, I got the Saving Face formula. Gotta love social commentary wrapped into a serum bar.

Wow. I am hooked. I am shocked, but hooked. Yes, I like pretty smelling soap. But this runs a gamut of skin and bathing products. I am going to sound like an advertisement, but I am so pleased with my skin. I am so happy with my hair. My skin is soft and lightly scented. More! I must have MORE!

So back I went this past week. Love the solid shampoo? How about some solid conditioner? But the true lure was the skin products. I love the Angels on Bare Skin so much, I prematurely bought some more. The serum will last forever, so no need to replace that. But my skin is soft, and extremely clear, and looks younger with just those two items. So I thought I would get a spot treatment for acne (so much more noticeable when your skin is nice overall), Grease Lightening, and a mask for aging skin. It is not on the site, but is called "The Sacred Truth." I am guessing the "Sacred Truth" is that time is passing.

In spite of all this harping on aging, I actually don't usually worry about it that much. I have very young looking skin, and am always finding Drs. actually noting in my medical records that I look at least 10 years younger than I am.

But in the last few months, I have just begun to notice a slight change in the quality of my facial skin: Kind of cloudy, and patchy texturally. And the crease in my forehead from migraines, is really is unavoidable in my case. But even this inevitable fold was beginning to radiate tiny lines. I figured if I was going to care about my skin at all, now was the time to start.

I was thinking about it because I saw a picture of a woman I knew in college who was considered ethereal, and whose face is now just very creased. My guess is that she only looks about 5 years young than she is. But she was such a dewy young thing, and it has really altered her appearance. She is still very attractive, but in a much more "her face has nice bones and a lot of character" way.

Anyway, the cleanser is kick ass. My skin is clear, and I swear it is tighter, and brighter. The serum is definitely working on my crows feet (which were not very deep, so they are almost gone). The mask had an immediate effect, my skin was glowing. I usually do not use language like this about cosmetics.

The soaps and gels are lovely, and as I said, I will never go back to, well, let's say soaps without natural ingredients, since Lush is commercial soap. But it is the skin care that has totally sucked me in. If I had to choose between sudsing things, and facial products, well, I think my choice is pretty clear. So my new skin regimen: AM/PM using the Angel scrub in luke warm water: take a pinch, about blueberry sized, and smush it into the palm of your hand. Dribble a little water into it, and smush it into a paste, using circular motions (don't get too wild the stuff is CRUMBLY). Once you get the consistently of the paste right, it should spread thinly, with only a bit of clumps falling off. Apply it with your fingers, and let it sit about a moment. The rinse of with lukewarm water, it rinses off very easily. And in the AM, But in the morning, it is time to get on top up of any emerging acne issues with Greased Lightening. In the evening, I add the solid serum, which I warm between my hands. I really like it to get quite slippery, so when I treat the fragile skin right around my eyes, it smooths on, and don't pull on it. Before bed time, I do the "long cleaning" of my teeth, with electric tooth brush, floss, and rinse, another concession to my age. Then I scrub my face again with Angels, pat it dry, and spread a thin layer of serum over it. I should be able to get 4 more scrubs masks out of that tub, which is about a dollar a mask. I am just going to use it twice a a week.

The serum was also suggested as a base to boost the Sacred Truth mask, but I forgot. I was very happy with it as it was. And the sugar scrubs were messy, but fun. I figured out how to get 4 or 5 showers out of each one, instead of 2.

This post has gone on so long, I have decided to break it down into more than one. TBC.