Well, it is the New Year. I admittedly threw over the final set of prompts. I was tired of their sameness, and while self-reflection is good, this exercise was beginning to strike me more as self-absorption.
The year ended with a completely crushing disappointment for me. Atenolol, the medication to which I switched two weeks ago in my attempt to control my migraines, started causing side effects that were intolerable, and/or precursors of more severe side effects. I left a message for my neurologist on Friday, Dec. 31, knowing he wasn't expected back in the office until January 4. I knew I couldn't stop this medication cold turkey without endangering myself, so I thought I would have to wait until Tuesday, and just cope with the side effects, making sure they did not take a turn for the worse.
So I was surprised that he called me at 9:30 PM on New Year's Eve; perhaps he was the Neurologist On-Call for the evening, but he uncharacteristically checked his messages on a Friday. He told me to titrate of the atenolol. I already had an appointment scheduled for mid-February, but I said to him I guessed I should reschedule the appointment for an earlier date. He began to hem and haw a little, and said something like, "I am always glad to see you, we can talk about the frequency of your headaches. I really think you should go back on Depakote in the fall." First of all, no. I will not go back on Depakote, and I have told him that repeatedly. But his message was clear. There is nothing else left in his pharmacological arsenal for me to try.
I had thought I was going to try the SSRI Cymbalta, until my psychiatrist nixed it, seemingly out of nowhere. He is now adamantly opposed to my using it, even though he told me in early May that the dose of Cymbalta used for migraine were so tiny that it would have no activating effect on my mood. SSRIs are generally no-nos for bipolar people, which was the whole point of that visit, to see if he thought I could handle it. I have in my notes that he said I could. He either changed his mind, or forgot, but it made me feel foolish. I really don't like to give the impression that I am pushing around my doctors (not that it doesn't happen). But this time I really wasn't, I was suggesting a medication that I have a record of his permitting.
But the long and short of it is, I have reached the end of the medication merry-go-round. With SSRIs eliminated, there is no other class of medication left to try as prophylaxis. I am now officially reliant solely on OTC analgesics, sumatriptan, and medical cannabis. As far as my neurologist is concerned, I can visit him sooner, or I can visit him later, there is nothing more he can do. I am going to beg and plead for a referral to the UCSF Headache Clinic. I have no idea if they have anything to offer, but they are the West Coast center for people like me.
Planner that I am, I already have contingency plans in case the UCSF Clinic, to which I have not yet been referred, is unable to help me.
So yeah. Way to end 2010.
Which just puts me in a morose mood for all of the challenges we already know we must face in 2011. I have foot surgery again. Then my husband has brain surgery. And at some point in 2011, I need to get over to Berkeley medical school, to have an eye I am losing vision in examined, and treated.
If all those events go smoothly, 2011 holds a lot of promise. But it also holds a lot of pitfalls. It seems as if the entire duration of my relationship with DH has been stumbling from one drama to the next. Our health issues have definitely meant there are dimensions to cope with beyond the usual loving and cherishing we would naturally provide each other: There is frustration and fear, for starters.
I burnt a candle on the Solstice, and again on the New Year, to send up all the bad vibrations and echoes of 2010 into the ether. I have my superstitions. Although if you ask me, I'll admit, I don't truly believe in them. But I like rituals, and superstitions are ripe for ritual. Rituals give me a false sense of control that is comforting, in spite of my knowing I am fooling myself.
2011 is also the Chinese year of the Rabbit, which is my birth sign. I turn 48. I fall under the water element, and am supposed to have a good career year. That would be nice for a change.
I know good things are in store, too. I am looking forward to further involvement in the Medical Cannabis community. Our tenth wedding anniversary is a huge milestone for us. And my third Oregon Country Fair is another anniversary of sorts. My French Bulldog Violet turned 7 on New Year's day, which is always auspicious.
Now if I could just locate my wallet....
Showing posts with label surgery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label surgery. Show all posts
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Friday, December 24, 2010
Dec. 18 Try: Cleaning House #reverb 10
Dec. 18 Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it? -Kaileen Elise
This is a mundane answer on one level, but a more serious one on another. I want to try to organize my house. This year, it was a real struggle for me, especially because I was off my feet for 4 months. Right before my foot surgery, I had had a hypo manic episode, and one of the characteristic behaviors of hypo mania is frenzied cleaning. This is not universal, but is so common as to be considered a warning sign to see your doctor. It is also a source of jokes among those of us who find cleaning very difficult, except for these outbursts.
I was never really taught how to clean. My mother had a cleaning lady for as long as I can remember, and she felt that teaching us housework was sexist. Of course what was sexist was that they weren't expecting boys to do housework, not that girls had to do it. But at any rate, it means the few cleaning skills I have are self-taught.
In addition, because bipolar illness causes brain damage to certain parts of the brain, I suffer cognitive defects in my Executive Function, which is sort of the overarching cognitive meta-structure that allows one to live an orderly and organized day to day life. I flat out can't do this. I also have bad impulse control. It is connected to damage done to the frontal lobe, Phineas Gage via neurotransmitters. Well okay, not as bad as Phineas Gage.
Anyway, I went into my foot surgery with the house cleaner than it had been in some time. Which meant it was clean, but crammed with "stuff." And things have deteriorated from that point.
So I have made a couple of decisions about how to approach this in the coming year: I am going to throw being Green to the winds for a little bit, and use all the "magic sponges" and "swiffers," and wasteful but convenient things: The easier the better. And then, we are going to invest in some storage. I am already measuring spaces for shelves and storage units. We are buying shoe racks, and hangers. We are going to make a real go of it this year. We kind of landed in this duplex in June of 2006, when DH lost his license due to a seizure: Where he was working at the time was a mile from this house. Now he actually commutes to an office two blocks away from where we lived before we landed here. But we never sat down and "organized" the place, the furniture is pretty much where we dumped it upon arrival. And while this is technically not the smallest place we have ever lived, the smaller place was designed to maximize use of space. And we owned less 11 years ago, of course.
So we have never really pulled this place together. We are always soooo proud of ourselves when we do even the tiniest amount of decorating. For instance, At Goodwill last week I found a matching trio of colorful but muted cushions that look great against our beige-y sectional. Oh yes, I am still "thrifting"; I am taking a break from the daily photographs of outfits while I work on this #reverb10 challenge.
Anyway, not my most riveting entry, but I needed to start catching up! Part of the reason I am behind is this has been a very challenging week, for all the reasons I have been discussing this month, and I now need to sleep. So this is a bit rough, sorry for any garbled sentences.
This is a mundane answer on one level, but a more serious one on another. I want to try to organize my house. This year, it was a real struggle for me, especially because I was off my feet for 4 months. Right before my foot surgery, I had had a hypo manic episode, and one of the characteristic behaviors of hypo mania is frenzied cleaning. This is not universal, but is so common as to be considered a warning sign to see your doctor. It is also a source of jokes among those of us who find cleaning very difficult, except for these outbursts.
I was never really taught how to clean. My mother had a cleaning lady for as long as I can remember, and she felt that teaching us housework was sexist. Of course what was sexist was that they weren't expecting boys to do housework, not that girls had to do it. But at any rate, it means the few cleaning skills I have are self-taught.
In addition, because bipolar illness causes brain damage to certain parts of the brain, I suffer cognitive defects in my Executive Function, which is sort of the overarching cognitive meta-structure that allows one to live an orderly and organized day to day life. I flat out can't do this. I also have bad impulse control. It is connected to damage done to the frontal lobe, Phineas Gage via neurotransmitters. Well okay, not as bad as Phineas Gage.
Anyway, I went into my foot surgery with the house cleaner than it had been in some time. Which meant it was clean, but crammed with "stuff." And things have deteriorated from that point.
So I have made a couple of decisions about how to approach this in the coming year: I am going to throw being Green to the winds for a little bit, and use all the "magic sponges" and "swiffers," and wasteful but convenient things: The easier the better. And then, we are going to invest in some storage. I am already measuring spaces for shelves and storage units. We are buying shoe racks, and hangers. We are going to make a real go of it this year. We kind of landed in this duplex in June of 2006, when DH lost his license due to a seizure: Where he was working at the time was a mile from this house. Now he actually commutes to an office two blocks away from where we lived before we landed here. But we never sat down and "organized" the place, the furniture is pretty much where we dumped it upon arrival. And while this is technically not the smallest place we have ever lived, the smaller place was designed to maximize use of space. And we owned less 11 years ago, of course.
So we have never really pulled this place together. We are always soooo proud of ourselves when we do even the tiniest amount of decorating. For instance, At Goodwill last week I found a matching trio of colorful but muted cushions that look great against our beige-y sectional. Oh yes, I am still "thrifting"; I am taking a break from the daily photographs of outfits while I work on this #reverb10 challenge.
Anyway, not my most riveting entry, but I needed to start catching up! Part of the reason I am behind is this has been a very challenging week, for all the reasons I have been discussing this month, and I now need to sleep. So this is a bit rough, sorry for any garbled sentences.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
5 Minutes of Appreciation #reverb10
December 14 prompt: Appreciate. What is the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do express gratitude for it? -Victoria Klein
December 15 prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in 5 minutes. Set the alarm for 5 minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010? -Patti Digh
I once again have been having health problems, so I am combining some prompts, and may do so in a couple of days again.
I received the Dec. 14 prompt, and I was beginning to feel like I was being asked essentially the same thing over and over. What did you like best about X? What was the best thing you did? Where did you have the most fun? I know it isn't quite that simplistic, or overly gooey sweet. I understand it must be hard to come up with prompts. But I wonder if the authors aren't becoming too engrossed in making their prompt as "deep" as possible. I can keep only mining that single, "deep" vein for so long. I thought about skipping the prompt outright.
But then I received the December 15 prompt. These kind of timed exercises have always helped me; as I have said, I do best with a line in the sand. Plus, I felt like if I just started spewing memories, the things I appreciate might naturally rise to the surface. So I set my smart phone's timer for 5 minutes, and these are the memories that "pushed through"
-
Oregon Country Fair-Avocado Dream Boats-The Ritz-spinach and cheese turnovers-glitter-Mount Shasta, the halfway point to Veneta-Driving near Corning for olives-Trip to Lassen Volcanic National Park-Mud Pots-Almost brain surgery-More and more seizures-More and more migraines-Violet and the root canal-mixed episode-hypo manic episode-Foot Surgery-Life on a scooter-DH gets new job-Quitting daycare-S, J and H-Emptying our savings-We end the year in the black-Making it through the tough times-growing closer-planning for our 10th anniversary-Job interview at a dispensary-coloring books-shopping for jewelry-Eni-thing-It's a Girl Thing-thrift shop hunting-starting to read again-learning cribbage-Happy 9th Anniversary-DH turns 40-Niece turns 3-"Sister3" turned 40-Oaksterdam University-Medical Cannabis-activism-Violet in the yard-riding a bike-car breakdowns-Crazyboards, and blogging-Blogger, and blogging-Told my mother to back off-My mother aged significantly-My father is sick
-
Now, I did corrects some spelling, and re-organize the list so it was a little more coherent to me. Out of the 49 I quickly counted (which means the actual count could be anywhere between 47 and 51), 16 (about a third) of the memories I came up with had to do with my husband's and my health and finances.
You can see by the things I italicized what was going on in our personal lives: Fears about health and money, surgeries, disappointment, and just overall stress. I know a lot of marriages are pulled apart by money and health problems. I have watched it happen to friends and enemies alike. Maybe it is because we have both spent our lives since puberty struggling with illness. Maybe it is because we both know what it is like to have negative worth, and that it is survivable: At one point right before I met DH, my finances were so bad, the FDIC wouldn't allow me to have a bank account. He had almost as bad a history. We have worked hard to build up our savings in our marriage, because we are both late to the land of "financially responsible adulthood."
For 11 months, we watched our savings dwindle. We actually were starting to think of selling parts of our 401k. I hate money. Hate. it.
So when my husband was suddenly hired at the end of August, literally days before he was scheduled to have brain surgery, it blew a hole in our plans, and I hate when there is a change of plan. Suddenly, there was not going to be brain surgery, but there was going to be income.
Much to my shock, I was torn. I had spent the entire month of August being tended to my psychiatrist, preparing myself for my husband's surgery. I wasn't intentionally trying to make it "all about me," but I just fell apart at the idea of something going wrong.
Yet when the surgery was postponed so he could take the job, I was angry at him for not doing the surgery instead. Since then, the threat of surgery has reappeared, but I have come to accept I cannot make this decision for DH. He will have it within the next year, it is just a matter of whether it is sooner or later.
So all of this depressing stuff has ironically made me appreciate my husband and my marriage more than ever. I am bad at expressing gooey emotions towards my husband. But we have had so much time together in 2010, that we were able to talk about our relationship and our marriage a lot, and no matter how difficult or thorny the topic. It never seemed to take a negative turn.
So this is not exactly riveting, but I show my appreciation for my husband and my marriage by keeping the lines of communication open, and trying to be brave enough to say things I am nervous about saying. So far, it is working.
December 15 prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in 5 minutes. Set the alarm for 5 minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010? -Patti Digh
I once again have been having health problems, so I am combining some prompts, and may do so in a couple of days again.
I received the Dec. 14 prompt, and I was beginning to feel like I was being asked essentially the same thing over and over. What did you like best about X? What was the best thing you did? Where did you have the most fun? I know it isn't quite that simplistic, or overly gooey sweet. I understand it must be hard to come up with prompts. But I wonder if the authors aren't becoming too engrossed in making their prompt as "deep" as possible. I can keep only mining that single, "deep" vein for so long. I thought about skipping the prompt outright.
But then I received the December 15 prompt. These kind of timed exercises have always helped me; as I have said, I do best with a line in the sand. Plus, I felt like if I just started spewing memories, the things I appreciate might naturally rise to the surface. So I set my smart phone's timer for 5 minutes, and these are the memories that "pushed through"
-
Oregon Country Fair-Avocado Dream Boats-The Ritz-spinach and cheese turnovers-glitter-Mount Shasta, the halfway point to Veneta-Driving near Corning for olives-Trip to Lassen Volcanic National Park-Mud Pots-Almost brain surgery-More and more seizures-More and more migraines-Violet and the root canal-mixed episode-hypo manic episode-Foot Surgery-Life on a scooter-DH gets new job-Quitting daycare-S, J and H-Emptying our savings-We end the year in the black-Making it through the tough times-growing closer-planning for our 10th anniversary-Job interview at a dispensary-coloring books-shopping for jewelry-Eni-thing-It's a Girl Thing-thrift shop hunting-starting to read again-learning cribbage-Happy 9th Anniversary-DH turns 40-Niece turns 3-"Sister3" turned 40-Oaksterdam University-Medical Cannabis-activism-Violet in the yard-riding a bike-car breakdowns-Crazyboards, and blogging-Blogger, and blogging-Told my mother to back off-My mother aged significantly-My father is sick
-
Now, I did corrects some spelling, and re-organize the list so it was a little more coherent to me. Out of the 49 I quickly counted (which means the actual count could be anywhere between 47 and 51), 16 (about a third) of the memories I came up with had to do with my husband's and my health and finances.
You can see by the things I italicized what was going on in our personal lives: Fears about health and money, surgeries, disappointment, and just overall stress. I know a lot of marriages are pulled apart by money and health problems. I have watched it happen to friends and enemies alike. Maybe it is because we have both spent our lives since puberty struggling with illness. Maybe it is because we both know what it is like to have negative worth, and that it is survivable: At one point right before I met DH, my finances were so bad, the FDIC wouldn't allow me to have a bank account. He had almost as bad a history. We have worked hard to build up our savings in our marriage, because we are both late to the land of "financially responsible adulthood."
For 11 months, we watched our savings dwindle. We actually were starting to think of selling parts of our 401k. I hate money. Hate. it.
So when my husband was suddenly hired at the end of August, literally days before he was scheduled to have brain surgery, it blew a hole in our plans, and I hate when there is a change of plan. Suddenly, there was not going to be brain surgery, but there was going to be income.
Much to my shock, I was torn. I had spent the entire month of August being tended to my psychiatrist, preparing myself for my husband's surgery. I wasn't intentionally trying to make it "all about me," but I just fell apart at the idea of something going wrong.
Yet when the surgery was postponed so he could take the job, I was angry at him for not doing the surgery instead. Since then, the threat of surgery has reappeared, but I have come to accept I cannot make this decision for DH. He will have it within the next year, it is just a matter of whether it is sooner or later.
So all of this depressing stuff has ironically made me appreciate my husband and my marriage more than ever. I am bad at expressing gooey emotions towards my husband. But we have had so much time together in 2010, that we were able to talk about our relationship and our marriage a lot, and no matter how difficult or thorny the topic. It never seemed to take a negative turn.
So this is not exactly riveting, but I show my appreciation for my husband and my marriage by keeping the lines of communication open, and trying to be brave enough to say things I am nervous about saying. So far, it is working.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Action: Walkabout #reverb10
December 13 prompt: Action. When it comes to aspirations, it's not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step? -Scott Belsky
"A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step." -Laozi
I don't have an extensive bucket list. While some things on it are not unusual, other things are going to be a little more difficult to accomplish, especially now that I have a husband to consider. Some things on my bucket list that I have already crossed off are: Going "behind the ropes," and touching Stonehenge; driving across the United States on both the Northern and Southern routes; having sex on a train in Europe (no more detail than that, sorry); and going to Australia, not once, but three times.
Australia is featured in several further wishes on my bucket list. One item is to travel to Australia with DH to show him a place I have come to really love. A really fantastic trip, at least 3 weeks, and a month would be even better. I have been to most of the major cities, except Perth and Hobart. I have seen, felt, touched, smelled, and tasted so many amazing and beautiful things in Australia, to describe it all would require innumerable posts.
Another item I have yet to cross off is living in a foreign country for two years, minimum. But truly, I want to emigrate to a foreign company permanently. And while I do have a back up country (New Zealand), when I say I want to emigrate to another country, what I really mean is I want to settle in Australia, Melbourne ideally.
We started the process for applying for my husband's work visa, once. He had plenty of points. But when we checked out the health requirements, his epilepsy clearly was an insurmountable obstacle to a visa, at least while his seizures are so poorly controlled. They don't want to put the burden of assured multiple hospitalizations onto their health care system.
But if DH's neurosurgery in 2011 were to either stop his seizures entirely, or allow them to be controlled with medication, that obstacle would be gone. And while we pretty much emptied our savings during DH's recent period of unemployment, we agreed to create a special account, and to put a minimum amount into it every month, for the dreamed of fantastic trip to Australia. Our goal is to make it a trip for my 50th birthday, which is just under 3 years away.
But my (not very) secret agenda doesn't stop there. Unless DH were to have a job already lined up, with an offer letter from the company in hand, he has only 5 more years before he is too old to get a visa (45 is the cut-off. Yes I robbed the cradle). As an accompanying spouse my age wouldn't matter. If this trip is as fantabulous as all my other trips to Australia have been, DH will see why I love that country so much, and why I want to live there, and I hope be equally excited at the prospect. It would be a tight schedule, but I have it all planned out. Heh.
To fulfill this fantasy, we would have to start the application process as soon as we got back from our vacation. I know, I know, "unlikely" is probably an optimistic assessment of our going forward with an application. But you never know.
But first, the great vacation. We plan to open an Australia-dedicated savings account in January. DH will have his surgery in 2011, and that will answer the question of whether or not we can ever permanently settle in another country. And even if the surgery isn't as successful as we hope, we will be going to Australia in late 2013, or early 2014. I know it seems far away. Hence my opening quotation by the Chinese philosopher, Laozi (Lao tsu). I am already excited.
So both my medium and long term goals involve Australia. And whatever the end result, the first step to pursuing those items on my bucket list, will be the first deposit into our Australia savings account.
"A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step." -Laozi
I don't have an extensive bucket list. While some things on it are not unusual, other things are going to be a little more difficult to accomplish, especially now that I have a husband to consider. Some things on my bucket list that I have already crossed off are: Going "behind the ropes," and touching Stonehenge; driving across the United States on both the Northern and Southern routes; having sex on a train in Europe (no more detail than that, sorry); and going to Australia, not once, but three times.
Australia is featured in several further wishes on my bucket list. One item is to travel to Australia with DH to show him a place I have come to really love. A really fantastic trip, at least 3 weeks, and a month would be even better. I have been to most of the major cities, except Perth and Hobart. I have seen, felt, touched, smelled, and tasted so many amazing and beautiful things in Australia, to describe it all would require innumerable posts.
Another item I have yet to cross off is living in a foreign country for two years, minimum. But truly, I want to emigrate to a foreign company permanently. And while I do have a back up country (New Zealand), when I say I want to emigrate to another country, what I really mean is I want to settle in Australia, Melbourne ideally.
We started the process for applying for my husband's work visa, once. He had plenty of points. But when we checked out the health requirements, his epilepsy clearly was an insurmountable obstacle to a visa, at least while his seizures are so poorly controlled. They don't want to put the burden of assured multiple hospitalizations onto their health care system.
But if DH's neurosurgery in 2011 were to either stop his seizures entirely, or allow them to be controlled with medication, that obstacle would be gone. And while we pretty much emptied our savings during DH's recent period of unemployment, we agreed to create a special account, and to put a minimum amount into it every month, for the dreamed of fantastic trip to Australia. Our goal is to make it a trip for my 50th birthday, which is just under 3 years away.
But my (not very) secret agenda doesn't stop there. Unless DH were to have a job already lined up, with an offer letter from the company in hand, he has only 5 more years before he is too old to get a visa (45 is the cut-off. Yes I robbed the cradle). As an accompanying spouse my age wouldn't matter. If this trip is as fantabulous as all my other trips to Australia have been, DH will see why I love that country so much, and why I want to live there, and I hope be equally excited at the prospect. It would be a tight schedule, but I have it all planned out. Heh.
To fulfill this fantasy, we would have to start the application process as soon as we got back from our vacation. I know, I know, "unlikely" is probably an optimistic assessment of our going forward with an application. But you never know.
But first, the great vacation. We plan to open an Australia-dedicated savings account in January. DH will have his surgery in 2011, and that will answer the question of whether or not we can ever permanently settle in another country. And even if the surgery isn't as successful as we hope, we will be going to Australia in late 2013, or early 2014. I know it seems far away. Hence my opening quotation by the Chinese philosopher, Laozi (Lao tsu). I am already excited.
So both my medium and long term goals involve Australia. And whatever the end result, the first step to pursuing those items on my bucket list, will be the first deposit into our Australia savings account.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Letting Go: Leaving the Dog House #reverb10
This is going to be short. I have a migraine again. As I said, they are pretty much a constant for me.
This year, it looks like I am forced to give up something I really love: Caring for dogs. The 7 years prior to this one, I had worked with dogs in some capacity. First I worked at a boarding kennel and daycare. It was working there, that a dog broke my hip in a freak accident. It took me about 4 months to get back to the kennel.
I left there in 2004 to work at a high end pet retail store, ostensibly as a dog walker. That ended up being a bit of a clash of personalities: I am still friends with my old boss, but we agreed we were not suited for working together. The pet store is now defunct, although she still offers a dog walking and training service.
I briefly ran my own pet care and dog walking service, Violet and Friends. But one day, while walking a pair of Wire Hair Fox Terriers, my knee suddenly wouldn't straighten. It was a 25 year-old knee injury that had had enough.
I had to have my knee entirely reconstructed. While I was still in rehab for the knee, my DH had a seizure at Fry's Electronics, so we suddenly had to move close enough to his job that he could ride his bike. Our new place was in a different county than I than I had my business license. And it took much, much longer to recover from the knee surgery than the hip surgery. So the business was dead. But finally, in November of 2006, I was ready to head back to work.
The next job was the most fun job I have ever had. I worked at a doggie daycare. It used to be a great place, lots of room indoors and out for play, lots of beds for dogs who wanted to snooze, innumerable toys. Just after I was hired, the daycare was purchased by a man who already had another doggie daycare in another location.
There, we were trained extensively in canine behavior, and how to read dogs, and their body language. I was promoted to a "senior playgroup leader," which meant I was qualified to run shifts. I was fascinated with dog behavior, and studied it on my own.
But slowly, my left foot, the foot on the leg with the bolted hip, and remade knee, began to ache and throb. I always worked half time. But I had to cut back from 5 days to 4. I saw an orthopedist, and he looked at my foot, and said, "You don't want the surgery you need to fix that." So we agreed to try conservative approaches first. But he was already warning me, they were not going to work. We had to go through the routine to convince the insurance company I needed surgery.
So I took 4 months off work while I wore a prosthesis in a walking boot, that was supposed to reshape the bone structure of my foot. Of course, it didn't work. The next step was to get a brace to fit into my shoes, and turn my foot to the right angle. Again, ridiculously ineffective. I went back to work, but now I could only work 3 days a week. I finally went back to the orthopedist again.
This time, I had to have my foot entirely reconstructed.
I had the surgery in January. I wasn't allowed to bear any wait on my foot until April. I got out of the walking boot in June.
My foot still doesn't feel normal. My Dr. warned me I probably would never work with dogs again. I still don't like to admit it to myself. But realistically, my leg is too damaged to balance on, and I need balance to be able to handle large dogs.
So this year, I had to let go of one of my favorite things: A room full of dogs.
Some of the dogs I miss:
This year, it looks like I am forced to give up something I really love: Caring for dogs. The 7 years prior to this one, I had worked with dogs in some capacity. First I worked at a boarding kennel and daycare. It was working there, that a dog broke my hip in a freak accident. It took me about 4 months to get back to the kennel.
I left there in 2004 to work at a high end pet retail store, ostensibly as a dog walker. That ended up being a bit of a clash of personalities: I am still friends with my old boss, but we agreed we were not suited for working together. The pet store is now defunct, although she still offers a dog walking and training service.
I briefly ran my own pet care and dog walking service, Violet and Friends. But one day, while walking a pair of Wire Hair Fox Terriers, my knee suddenly wouldn't straighten. It was a 25 year-old knee injury that had had enough.
I had to have my knee entirely reconstructed. While I was still in rehab for the knee, my DH had a seizure at Fry's Electronics, so we suddenly had to move close enough to his job that he could ride his bike. Our new place was in a different county than I than I had my business license. And it took much, much longer to recover from the knee surgery than the hip surgery. So the business was dead. But finally, in November of 2006, I was ready to head back to work.
The next job was the most fun job I have ever had. I worked at a doggie daycare. It used to be a great place, lots of room indoors and out for play, lots of beds for dogs who wanted to snooze, innumerable toys. Just after I was hired, the daycare was purchased by a man who already had another doggie daycare in another location.
There, we were trained extensively in canine behavior, and how to read dogs, and their body language. I was promoted to a "senior playgroup leader," which meant I was qualified to run shifts. I was fascinated with dog behavior, and studied it on my own.
But slowly, my left foot, the foot on the leg with the bolted hip, and remade knee, began to ache and throb. I always worked half time. But I had to cut back from 5 days to 4. I saw an orthopedist, and he looked at my foot, and said, "You don't want the surgery you need to fix that." So we agreed to try conservative approaches first. But he was already warning me, they were not going to work. We had to go through the routine to convince the insurance company I needed surgery.
So I took 4 months off work while I wore a prosthesis in a walking boot, that was supposed to reshape the bone structure of my foot. Of course, it didn't work. The next step was to get a brace to fit into my shoes, and turn my foot to the right angle. Again, ridiculously ineffective. I went back to work, but now I could only work 3 days a week. I finally went back to the orthopedist again.
This time, I had to have my foot entirely reconstructed.
I had the surgery in January. I wasn't allowed to bear any wait on my foot until April. I got out of the walking boot in June.
My foot still doesn't feel normal. My Dr. warned me I probably would never work with dogs again. I still don't like to admit it to myself. But realistically, my leg is too damaged to balance on, and I need balance to be able to handle large dogs.
So this year, I had to let go of one of my favorite things: A room full of dogs.
Some of the dogs I miss:
Kaiser Sose
Chloe and Ballou
Lolli
Otis
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