One thing I have found about blogging is the longer you go without making an entry, the harder it is to start back up. So I am just going to catch everyone up in a short post, just to get myself moving again. No pictures today.
I do have a few random outfits and purchases to post. But it is by no means a daily record.
We have been having a really tough time. I have been having a lot of headaches, and DH has been having many seizures. This weekend, he battered his face against either the bed or the bureau, I couldn't see. But he has a big cut on his forehead, right above his still healing black eye.
Surgery has been post-poned, again. I still assume it will happen before next fall.
I am thinking of trying Cymbalta for my migraines if there is not a marked improvement in frequency or severity before my January appointment. It is an anti-depressant, an SSRI, but it is used off label in tiny quantities for migraine. My p-doc doesn't think it will be enough to interfere with my other meds, and that it will be okay if we go ahead with it. I had an SSRI induced manic episode when I was on Prozac, so I was a little worried. But he said the amounts were so miniscule that they wouldn't have any anti-depressant effect. That is one odd thing about psychiatric and neurological meds: Depending on your illness, you may take wildly different dosages. For instance, both DH and I are on lamotrigine (generic Lamictal). I take it for bipolar illness, and take 225mg daily. DH takes over three times the dose I do, since he uses it for Epilepsy.
Anyway, I have been using the propranolol for 6 months as of the 29th of November. This is kind of my last gasp with it. It is odd, because I swear it helped with my headaches when I was 20; I had to quit it abruptly because of side effects. But this go round, I was able to tolerate the side effects (it is 26 years later, bodies change), but it isn't working.
Oh, and our new insurance has deadly co-pays: $10 for generics, $60 for brand name! And we both take meds that are brand name: One of DH's is so new there is no generic, and I only respond to the name brand of a migraine treatment. Even though the molecules of medication are identical between generic and name brand, sometimes there is something in the binders that blocks absorption for certain people. For most of my meds, I can use the generic, but for Sumatriptan, a rescue drug, I have to use the name brand, Imitrex. I receive it in two different formats, a pill, and a subcutaneous injection. That is $120 copay for one month of migraine rescue medication.
There is nothing wrong with the healthcare system. It is double plus good.
You may have noticed my mood issues have receded into that background for the moment, while my migraines have come to the forefront. This is how it is with the combination of migraine and bipolar illness, one condition or the other always seems to be flaring. My focus flips back and forth between the two syndromes.
I am mailing Sister2's birthday present Tuesday. Hooray. I also plan to make a trip with Violet to explore a new independently owned "boutique" pet shop, Biscuits. I meant to go see it on Saturday, which was an official day set aside to patronize small local businesses, but I was busy being sick.
I have actually purchased a couple of holiday purchases. Also I am very excited about a gift my sister got for my DH for his 40th birthday, which is this week! Eek, I have to arrange for a cake! I have no idea what to get him, and I think he would like some input: It is a special birthday, and we were in France for my 40th (he went on business, but we stretched it out into a vacation). I had hoped we would go on a great trip for his 40th, but I guess our next big trip will be for my 50th birthday. That will be Australia, if I have any say. We also had hoped to go to Hawaii for our 5th, and I needed knee surgery. So we then retrenched, and were going to go for our 10th anniversary. That was before we went through our entire savings during DH's year of unemployment.
We are still going to have an amazing 10th anniversary: We are returning to the B&B at which we honeymooned, a very luxurious and fun place.
So, not the most interesting post. But I know from past experience it is important to keep up one's posting momentum when one blogs.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Dain Bramage and Neurosurgery
[Editor's note: I noticed that I often write garbled sentences in these blog posts. This is not just due to poor writing skills, but also because I often post extremely late/early, and wrap up when I feel fatigued enough to sleep. So my proof reading is often shoddy. My new policy will be I may go back into posts to correct grammar or spelling without notification. Content changes will be noted.]
Well, excitement has abounded at the home of DH and crtclms. DH was transported from his job to the ER for the second time in 10 days. This time he didn't hit his head. The prior seizure, he caught the orbital bone of his eye on the corner of his desk on his way down, which gave him an impressive shiner. This time, he went into a fugue, during which he wanders around in a semi-conscious state.
So off to the ER I went. I couldn't find my purse, and during the hunt, I had time to snap a pic. I know how long it takes them to process him, and expected to arrive before he was released, and this turned out to be true:
So, leaf-type chandelier earrings you have seen; dirty hair pulled up; new lavender top with rhinestone embellishment from recent GW hunt; ancient pair of bleach spattered jeans from dog care; they look worse than usual because I was in a hurry, and pulled on dirty jeans. One attempt to hide part of the dirt was the boots. Now, I love these boots, one of my gypsy princess purchases, and really I do understand it is a matter of personal taste, but I saw them and had to buy them. The velvet inset on the top is very close in color to the sweater:
Ah yes, the infamous computer backdrop. Hey, sometimes it is the only way I am not too lazy to take the picture.
Anyway, you can see the velvet, with embroidery, trimmed with a narrow floral band. Tweed laced through, and the seam above the ankle is tweed, too. I bought these about two years ago, and one of the nice things about them is you can wear them with a longer skirt, or under jeans, and they just look like plain brown boots.
And we are back to the Land of Fucked Up Brains: This was not only the second time in 10 days I had to go pick DH up from the ER, it was the 2nd time I had to do so with a migraine. This is not to complain about his timing, but to demonstrate what a fun month we are having generally. In the fall, my frequent migraines actually morph into "Chronic Daily Headache." This is not only painful and incapacitating, it is embarrassing: Headaches are invisible, and how many times in a short period of time would you accept the excuse, "I'm sorry, I have to cancel, I have a headache," when this is the 3rd, 4th, or 5th time in a month I have had to cancel? Only people who know me extremely well can even tell I am in the midst of a headache. Plus, migraines manifest in a lot of "non-headache" ways, which can ruin any social outing, even without actual pain. Today, for instance, I have been "buzzy" because a weather front is coming in, and migraines are often triggered by weather fronts. What does "buzzy" mean? Hard to say, but I can feel things going on in my head. However, even though it was a term I thought I came up with on my own, I found anyone who has migraines or epilepsy knows what I mean when I say "buzzy," and many already use the term to describe their own cranial happenings.
Now, the activity of having to pull myself together to get DH did distract me from the pain a bit, and other than the purse mishap, I got to Stanford pretty quickly. This is one of the first times I had been to Stanford ER in the early afternoon, usually it has been at night. ERs are SO much calmer during the day! DH was awake and alert (he apparently had awoken while being strapped to the gurney). I actually know how to read the monitor he is attached to now, and all of his vitals, including blood oxygen, were excellent.
The nurses and doctors on call were very nice, because they weren't overwhelmed. They kept coming in to tell us what stage they were at with DH's release every few minutes, which has never happened before. Then, the doctor came in, and said DH's neurosurgeon, who is the head of the Stanford Epilepsy Center, wanted to talk to us before we left. Again, a first. But we knew seizures were coming too fast and hard. What we didn't expect was how blunt his Dr. F was. When he walked into the room, the first thing out of his mouth was, "This is not acceptable." He is concerned that DH is having so many seizures it may start causing more brain damage, or that he may really hurt himself hitting his head, which DH does regularly, and we have been lucky that a black eye is the worst thing that has ever come of it.
The question for both of us: What quality of life is acceptable, and what isn't? Are the number of headaches I have by refusing to take a particular medication worth the physical intimacy, not just sexual, but day to day, I share with my husband, worth it? How many seizures, how many drug side effects, will my DH be able to tolerate, and still lead some semblance of a normal life?
Monday's ER visit brought this question into sharp relief for DH. Dr. F informed DH and myself that brain surgery could no longer be postponed until next Fall as we had planned, and that DH's job was now officially secondary to his health. This is a little scary for us, because what some of you do not know is, DH got his current job a few weeks before I started this blog. This had been after being laid off for 10 months (he had had one short job that blew up). It is a fabulous job, that he loves, and we are pretty sure they love him. We don't want him to lose it, and we frankly can't afford it, especially if DH has the surgery, and we don't resume receiving income after his recovery.
But, he has violent seizures about once a week, and less violent ones one or twice a week. He can't drive. He has had seizures on his bike, and on public transportation, so even though he isn't a danger to others, he is actually very likely to get hurt even when not behind the wheel. He has to take almost all his sick and personal days to recover from seizures. He has visible hypoxia of the brain (under-oxygenated parts) on his MRIs.
I had to stop working at my job as a doggie daycare provider because my foot was reconstructed in January, and it only now is beginning to feel like a real foot (it takes about a year to totally heal). So even though my salary was meager, I was at least working. Now, my foot is not strong enough for dog care, and my headaches are preventing any aspirations of any other part-time work. I can only work half-time, because of my migraines, and my mood disorder. Like headaches, bipolar illness is invisible, and like migraine, it limits my life even though it leaves no mark on me physically. In order to keep myself even somewhat healthy, my p-doc in Pittsburgh told me I should only work part time, or at most, a clerical level job if I were going to work full-time. So much for that Ivy League education.
The round-about point is, I am bringing in zero income myself. We might be entirely reliant on an account we were really hoping on not touching. My only "hope" is that he is eligible for disability from work or the State. His contract doesn't say he has to have worked there any amount of time in particular to be eligible for their benefits, so we have our fingers crossed, but are prepared for either possibility. [The old law student in me wanted to abbreviate that to "K," which is a legal shorthand for "contract."] Because he has only been there a few months, we don't know what kind of leave he is eligible for. He would be willing to take an unpaid leave, if it meant there would be a job to go back to. That would wipe out our savings (making Goodwill even more attractive to Ms. Hypo-mania), but we have enough. As one of my friends said to me yesterday, we can get more money, I am thankful we have what we do. DH's health is more important than our savings, any day.
We are upper middle class, even given the loss of income and savings during DH's unemployment. We have had health insurance, either through COBRA, or his new job. I know it isn't exactly the same as those families who have to declare bankruptcy, and I understand that most of our monetary hit did not come from DH's or my conditions per se. But the expense of co-pays for meds and treatment, seeing doctors, having surgery (we both will have had surgery in 2010), ER visits, the lost days to migraines, the compulsive spending that often accompanies my mood changes, it helps to chip away at our income.
Well, excitement has abounded at the home of DH and crtclms. DH was transported from his job to the ER for the second time in 10 days. This time he didn't hit his head. The prior seizure, he caught the orbital bone of his eye on the corner of his desk on his way down, which gave him an impressive shiner. This time, he went into a fugue, during which he wanders around in a semi-conscious state.
So off to the ER I went. I couldn't find my purse, and during the hunt, I had time to snap a pic. I know how long it takes them to process him, and expected to arrive before he was released, and this turned out to be true:
So, leaf-type chandelier earrings you have seen; dirty hair pulled up; new lavender top with rhinestone embellishment from recent GW hunt; ancient pair of bleach spattered jeans from dog care; they look worse than usual because I was in a hurry, and pulled on dirty jeans. One attempt to hide part of the dirt was the boots. Now, I love these boots, one of my gypsy princess purchases, and really I do understand it is a matter of personal taste, but I saw them and had to buy them. The velvet inset on the top is very close in color to the sweater:
Ah yes, the infamous computer backdrop. Hey, sometimes it is the only way I am not too lazy to take the picture.
Anyway, you can see the velvet, with embroidery, trimmed with a narrow floral band. Tweed laced through, and the seam above the ankle is tweed, too. I bought these about two years ago, and one of the nice things about them is you can wear them with a longer skirt, or under jeans, and they just look like plain brown boots.
And we are back to the Land of Fucked Up Brains: This was not only the second time in 10 days I had to go pick DH up from the ER, it was the 2nd time I had to do so with a migraine. This is not to complain about his timing, but to demonstrate what a fun month we are having generally. In the fall, my frequent migraines actually morph into "Chronic Daily Headache." This is not only painful and incapacitating, it is embarrassing: Headaches are invisible, and how many times in a short period of time would you accept the excuse, "I'm sorry, I have to cancel, I have a headache," when this is the 3rd, 4th, or 5th time in a month I have had to cancel? Only people who know me extremely well can even tell I am in the midst of a headache. Plus, migraines manifest in a lot of "non-headache" ways, which can ruin any social outing, even without actual pain. Today, for instance, I have been "buzzy" because a weather front is coming in, and migraines are often triggered by weather fronts. What does "buzzy" mean? Hard to say, but I can feel things going on in my head. However, even though it was a term I thought I came up with on my own, I found anyone who has migraines or epilepsy knows what I mean when I say "buzzy," and many already use the term to describe their own cranial happenings.
It is also humiliating as to how it affects my marriage. "Not tonight, I have a headache" isn't a "line" in my home, it is a pretty much daily occurrence. While sexual activity as a general rule is helpful to headache patients, that is only the case when they are not in the throws of an actual attack. It is upsetting and guilt inducing to feel like you are not up to being an equal partner in intimate aspects of your marriage. I actually quit a medication that was working somewhat at controlling my head, because it totally destroyed my libido, to the extent I didn't even like to be touched. My neurologist agreed with me my marriage was more important than the medication.
DH has also had horrible, life-altering side-effects from medication. A lot of people don't realize that when you have a chronic illness, you are not only dealing with the illness itself, but also with the sometimes severe and dangerous side-effects of prescription pharmaceuticals. This is why I use Cannabis, and why I feel so strongly about protecting its medical use, and legalization in general.
Now, the activity of having to pull myself together to get DH did distract me from the pain a bit, and other than the purse mishap, I got to Stanford pretty quickly. This is one of the first times I had been to Stanford ER in the early afternoon, usually it has been at night. ERs are SO much calmer during the day! DH was awake and alert (he apparently had awoken while being strapped to the gurney). I actually know how to read the monitor he is attached to now, and all of his vitals, including blood oxygen, were excellent.
The nurses and doctors on call were very nice, because they weren't overwhelmed. They kept coming in to tell us what stage they were at with DH's release every few minutes, which has never happened before. Then, the doctor came in, and said DH's neurosurgeon, who is the head of the Stanford Epilepsy Center, wanted to talk to us before we left. Again, a first. But we knew seizures were coming too fast and hard. What we didn't expect was how blunt his Dr. F was. When he walked into the room, the first thing out of his mouth was, "This is not acceptable." He is concerned that DH is having so many seizures it may start causing more brain damage, or that he may really hurt himself hitting his head, which DH does regularly, and we have been lucky that a black eye is the worst thing that has ever come of it.
The question for both of us: What quality of life is acceptable, and what isn't? Are the number of headaches I have by refusing to take a particular medication worth the physical intimacy, not just sexual, but day to day, I share with my husband, worth it? How many seizures, how many drug side effects, will my DH be able to tolerate, and still lead some semblance of a normal life?
Monday's ER visit brought this question into sharp relief for DH. Dr. F informed DH and myself that brain surgery could no longer be postponed until next Fall as we had planned, and that DH's job was now officially secondary to his health. This is a little scary for us, because what some of you do not know is, DH got his current job a few weeks before I started this blog. This had been after being laid off for 10 months (he had had one short job that blew up). It is a fabulous job, that he loves, and we are pretty sure they love him. We don't want him to lose it, and we frankly can't afford it, especially if DH has the surgery, and we don't resume receiving income after his recovery.
But, he has violent seizures about once a week, and less violent ones one or twice a week. He can't drive. He has had seizures on his bike, and on public transportation, so even though he isn't a danger to others, he is actually very likely to get hurt even when not behind the wheel. He has to take almost all his sick and personal days to recover from seizures. He has visible hypoxia of the brain (under-oxygenated parts) on his MRIs.
I had to stop working at my job as a doggie daycare provider because my foot was reconstructed in January, and it only now is beginning to feel like a real foot (it takes about a year to totally heal). So even though my salary was meager, I was at least working. Now, my foot is not strong enough for dog care, and my headaches are preventing any aspirations of any other part-time work. I can only work half-time, because of my migraines, and my mood disorder. Like headaches, bipolar illness is invisible, and like migraine, it limits my life even though it leaves no mark on me physically. In order to keep myself even somewhat healthy, my p-doc in Pittsburgh told me I should only work part time, or at most, a clerical level job if I were going to work full-time. So much for that Ivy League education.
The round-about point is, I am bringing in zero income myself. We might be entirely reliant on an account we were really hoping on not touching. My only "hope" is that he is eligible for disability from work or the State. His contract doesn't say he has to have worked there any amount of time in particular to be eligible for their benefits, so we have our fingers crossed, but are prepared for either possibility. [The old law student in me wanted to abbreviate that to "K," which is a legal shorthand for "contract."] Because he has only been there a few months, we don't know what kind of leave he is eligible for. He would be willing to take an unpaid leave, if it meant there would be a job to go back to. That would wipe out our savings (making Goodwill even more attractive to Ms. Hypo-mania), but we have enough. As one of my friends said to me yesterday, we can get more money, I am thankful we have what we do. DH's health is more important than our savings, any day.
We are upper middle class, even given the loss of income and savings during DH's unemployment. We have had health insurance, either through COBRA, or his new job. I know it isn't exactly the same as those families who have to declare bankruptcy, and I understand that most of our monetary hit did not come from DH's or my conditions per se. But the expense of co-pays for meds and treatment, seeing doctors, having surgery (we both will have had surgery in 2010), ER visits, the lost days to migraines, the compulsive spending that often accompanies my mood changes, it helps to chip away at our income.
So that can also be added to the daily cost, in money, body, and spirit, of chronic illness.
Now, I do have purchases and outfits to show you. And tomorrow is a fundraiser for a Food bank, where I intend to do some Hannukah shopping, and I will come home with other things to show you. But even the little "fashion" I did have in this post didn't seem to fit the tenor of the post, so I am saving it for this weekend. As Eddie Izzard would say, "Ciaooooo!"
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Making Hash
First of all, I have no real "i" key, I have to press really hard on wear the key *should* be to get it to type. So sorry if there are some "i"s out of place.
Plus, November is admittedly going to be erratic in terms of the "What I Wore" clothing diary portion, even though the Goodwill purchases' posts are the loose framework around which the blog is more or less constructed. November is hell month for me. I just got through a couple of days without a severe migraine, and it has been such bliss. But the fact that I expect one tomorrow as a consequence/punishment is because I just get too many damn migraines. I cannot plan what I am doing later today, let alone next week.. It happens every November. I had to cancel my Cannabis Cooking class at the last minute because of a migraine, which makes me really sad plus I think I have lost that entire tuition. I should have known better than to schedule anything in November. I am spending a lot of days in tank tops, sweat shirts, and pajama bottoms. Which as you have seen, I'd photograph, but these headaches have just sucked so hard.
Anyway, we are still scheduled to go to "Graduation" in December. Fun!
Sooo, we have been really experimenting with hash the last couple of months. We have been purchasing it from SBAC. The stuff they sell is exponentially better has than Greeway's, I have to say, as much as I adore Greeneway, as well as making our own type of hash from duff. "Duff" is the left-over vaporized plant material, which has some, but not nearly all of the cannabinoids removed from it via vaporizing. We use a relatively inexpensive vaporizer, which we got from Vapor Brothers:
I am actually kind of psyched to make our next batch of hash from duff, since I learned a whole bunch at Oaksterdam that should make our next batch better, stronger, and easier to handle and use. I know to use Everclear, and how to heat and press it properly. The stuff we have made has been pretty goopy, and burns up too fast.
But hash strains have become more routine for me to incorporate into my routine. Because you are not supposed to use a direct flame on hash, I had been improvising with paraphernalia; in particular, heating the underside of the glass bowls on the sliders on our bongs. Please Note: The glass of sliders does not take kindly to direct flame for long periods of time. One broke one day, the other the next. Oh, and then since I went to the head shop to buy a couple of replacements, I broke a brand new slider through sheer clumsiness. I am very happy with my hash pipe, and feel like it really is strong.
We found out there is a head shop, Smoke Stuff, on Yelp, about 3 miles from here. Since we broke two water pipe slides within 24 hours, plus I was curious about getting a hash pipe, I decided to head over there. Usually head shop employees are so sullen, and this guy was cheerful and friendly. He sure was enthusiastic about his products. Heh. The store was so clean, and the guy was very nice. He helped me pick out my hash pipe. We will be using that shop in the immediate future. due to my amazing slide smashing skills.
Anyway, you get a lot of bang for your buck with hash. I also bought these tiny rolled balls of keif, I cannot remember what they are called, and the way they package it meant I had to tear the label off in order to open it. But sprinkling a bit on what you are using gives it an added kick.
I am really liking Purple Dragon hash right now. Also, bud from "Humboldt Hash Plant," another good pain killer. We are still hanging on to some Burgundy Goo, for my next killer migraine (counting down in 3, 2, 1...). Hash is good at prophylaxis, and for early onset of headaches, but once they are fully established, they probably make it worse. Although it helps vomiting no matter how severe or well established.
I then also made good old fashioned potato, meat, and onion hash, this time with cubed leftover tri-tip, chopped sweet onion, cubed yukon and russet potatoes, a bit of oil, and about a third cup of beef broth. Eggs sunny side over easy. Fat city, but so good. I hadn't made a good hash in years, and it is really something I could eat almost daily, if my heart didn't scream in agony. Kidding. I have "spectacular lipid levels," so says my neurologist. I also particularly love Corned Beef hash, but have never had the balls to make it, since bad corned beef is *so very bad.*
So at this point in the blog entry, I almost feel a little bit like saying, "Okay, let's get this next part over with." But I obviously enjoy it, so what the hell. Yes, I've been to Goodwill this week. Twice. I have pictures to prove it. In fact, Thursday I drove around for a while trying to find the Salvation Army that I had done so well at last time, before throwing up my hands, and going back to one of the bigger Goodwills instead (the one on Meridian).
I actually only have "outfit" pictures from Wednesday, when oddly, I wore two outfits. That is because it was quite chilly in the AM, and warmer in the PM, and I also was dressed to go "thrifting" as I am now learning it is called. That sounds so much more socially significant than compulsive shopper, don't you think?
So the AM outfit was to take DH to the bullet train, so he wouldn't have to take the bus in the cold. I went from there to Safeway, and did quite a large shopping trip. I bought a lot of "quick" meals, for reasons I will relate below. I also bought a lot of things we were running out of, but I am really pissed because I forgot the McCann's Steel Cut Irish Oatmeal. I actually am zipping through cans of that now that I have learned to soak the oats overnight. I still am eating them four or five times a week, and not tiring of it. Thursday I cut up some strawberries, a tablespoon of sugar, and some milk for my last serving, and it was out of this world. But that was the end of my supply.
This is what I wore for the drive to the train station, and grocery shopping:
Black cotton cable-knit sweater tunic (bit long on me, but I am short, and have an enormous chest), and a pair of boot cut jeans. I own one pair of carpenter pants, but all my other jeans are boot cut, just like them better. They are a very dark blue wash, so look black in this picture. It doesn't help that I am wearing my black "motorcycle" boots. Double semi-precious beaded necklace from It's a Girl Thing.
Anyway, while I was at Safeway, I decided I was getting grossed out by the house again. This is quite a feat, I am exceedingly hard to gross out. I bought all kinds of cleaning products for people who don't know how to scrub, plus some Drano to fix our bathroom sink, which was taking about 5 minutes to empty. I am kind of in cleaning mode, but it is really one item at a time, it isn't a frenzy. I did fix the sink drain, so yay me!
I also got potatoes for beef hash, which I planned to make from leftovers from the tri-tip we had. Oh, yeah, we had a marinated tri-tip roast with roasted potatoes on Sunday. DH was so happy to eat meat, even though he doesn't generally complain. I also got a couple of nicely sized russets for baked potatoes sometime this week. Hmm, need to check our sour cream, and see how it is holding up. Anyway, we rarely have big hunks of meat like that anymore, and DH was a very satisfied diner on Sunday night. Yesterday, I completely cheated and got a Safeway refrigerated meal, which I just had to heat up: rigatoni and bolognese. If you put tomato sauce on food, DH will likely be happy to eat it. Also those strawberries I mentioned strawberries and avocados (I eat about three a week). Plus, we have chicken and potato wedges. Man, heavy on the potatoes this week.
And a lot of candy.
I went home, put away groceries, and fed Violet. I only meant to surf the net for a bit, but I was kind of still feeling my oats because I haven't been having nearly the problems with my head that I was last week. I have been beyond relaxing the last few days, just luxuriating in the relative lack of pain. I haven't been migraine free, but I have been keeping them under control with the aid of both Big Pharma, and Cannabis. Then I remembered we had broken the slides, So I headed out to Smoke Stuff.
After that, it was still before noon, and I decided to do some "thrifting." I wanted to go back to the Salvation Army. But I got totally lost trying to find the Salvation Army I went to last time when I used Smoke Stuff as my starting point. When I came back home, and looked at a map, I realized I had merely been on the wrong side of the street. Gah. I had thought about trying to get there again today, but my head and ache-y legs have pretty much nixed that idea. Or, I could go to the Salvation Army just a couple of miles from here. People were a little ruthless at the Salvation Army, and shopped out of my cart once before I was aware of it: I have had that happen to me once or twice in Goodwills since then as well, so I guard my basket.
So, Wednesday afternoon, San Jose Goodwill, on Meridian. Fortunately, one of their biggest locations, because the whole reason I wanted to go to the Salvation Army is because it's HUGE. I actually am kind of amazed that I am able to keep straight in my head what I bought on Wednesday, and what I bought on Monday, but I can. I have to take a few more pictures, of the stuff from Monday. I know these aren't the greatest pictures, but it is hard to display this sort of thing without a manikin,
Anyway, I have learned to dress with a tank top under my clothes, so I don't have to compete for dressing rooms as much (there are mirrors here and there around the stores). I wore the same jean and boots, but a pink tank top, and a fasten-less cardigan in a synthetic knit of some kind, with a empire waist (one of my Monday Santa Clara Goodwill finds). Cardigans are easy to slip off and on, so I don't freeze between trying on clothes. I also wore my new-ish flower/pouf black headband, since I know my hair gets in my eyes pulling things off and on, and it is a quick fix. In both Wednesday's pictures, I am wearing a brown braided leather belt I also bought at the Santa Clara Goodwill on Monday.
I got a small black leather hobo purse, Wilson's. I already have the big black Wilson's satchel. The handle is asymmetrical, and has two metal links on one side.
A purple and violet pin-striped oxford blouse:
This was a cute find: A blue wool knit top with cable, an empire waist, and that nice collar.
This is a light wool short-sleeved lavender top, with an scoop, and embellished keyhole neck.
Here's the embellishment:
I am not bothering to include pictures of the plain black top, and the camel-colored top with the collar with the rather restrained embellishments.
So from Monday in Santa Clara, you have seen the Black empire-waist button-less cardigan thing-y, and I am guessing you can visualize a standard brown leather braided belt. Here is a mis-sized fabric brown and pink purse, the top stripe is pale pink, compared to the flowers:
It looks brand new, and I combine pink and brown a lot. Plus, a little black lace slip skirt:
Here is a detail of the lace:
I have reached this weird place with my wardrobe. First of all, I am being pretty ruthless at discarding things I don't wear, and stuff that looks ghastly in the pictures on this blog. That doesn't mean I won't wear something over-sized, like that tunic sweater (I'm calling it a tunic because it has side slits), but to be honest, I like how that looks, even if it isn't the latest fashion. So I have enough clothes, yet because of my weeding out and organizing what I have, I know really specifically where I have holes in my wardrobe. For instance, I do have one or two navy things. But I could really use navy shoes, and a purse. A pair of navy slacks wouldn't hurt either. I don't need them, but I know that I can certainly use them. This is allowing me to be both incredibly picky, and a little more outre in my choices, because I try on things that I think, "What the hell, I like it, maybe it will work on me." And about 15% of the time, I find something good, so since there is a lot of stuff to try on, I almost always walk away with a find.
So back to less frivolous and material things: I woke up today (Friday) morning with a slight headache. So a several day break, more than I had really hoped for. But it is back, I can feel it creeping around my skull. UGH. I have to say last week's Migrane-o-rama really took the wind out of my sails, both in the sense I can still tell am still recovering days later, and also in the sense that it seems to have put a hitch in my mood, I no longer feel like I am being sent by slingshot to every destination.
Okay, this post is just getting ridiculous, I can't even proof read it it is so long. Tomorrow, I want to talk about the riveting subject of home decor. Har.
Plus, November is admittedly going to be erratic in terms of the "What I Wore" clothing diary portion, even though the Goodwill purchases' posts are the loose framework around which the blog is more or less constructed. November is hell month for me. I just got through a couple of days without a severe migraine, and it has been such bliss. But the fact that I expect one tomorrow as a consequence/punishment is because I just get too many damn migraines. I cannot plan what I am doing later today, let alone next week.. It happens every November. I had to cancel my Cannabis Cooking class at the last minute because of a migraine, which makes me really sad plus I think I have lost that entire tuition. I should have known better than to schedule anything in November. I am spending a lot of days in tank tops, sweat shirts, and pajama bottoms. Which as you have seen, I'd photograph, but these headaches have just sucked so hard.
Anyway, we are still scheduled to go to "Graduation" in December. Fun!
Sooo, we have been really experimenting with hash the last couple of months. We have been purchasing it from SBAC. The stuff they sell is exponentially better has than Greeway's, I have to say, as much as I adore Greeneway, as well as making our own type of hash from duff. "Duff" is the left-over vaporized plant material, which has some, but not nearly all of the cannabinoids removed from it via vaporizing. We use a relatively inexpensive vaporizer, which we got from Vapor Brothers:
I am actually kind of psyched to make our next batch of hash from duff, since I learned a whole bunch at Oaksterdam that should make our next batch better, stronger, and easier to handle and use. I know to use Everclear, and how to heat and press it properly. The stuff we have made has been pretty goopy, and burns up too fast.
But hash strains have become more routine for me to incorporate into my routine. Because you are not supposed to use a direct flame on hash, I had been improvising with paraphernalia; in particular, heating the underside of the glass bowls on the sliders on our bongs. Please Note: The glass of sliders does not take kindly to direct flame for long periods of time. One broke one day, the other the next. Oh, and then since I went to the head shop to buy a couple of replacements, I broke a brand new slider through sheer clumsiness. I am very happy with my hash pipe, and feel like it really is strong.
We found out there is a head shop, Smoke Stuff, on Yelp, about 3 miles from here. Since we broke two water pipe slides within 24 hours, plus I was curious about getting a hash pipe, I decided to head over there. Usually head shop employees are so sullen, and this guy was cheerful and friendly. He sure was enthusiastic about his products. Heh. The store was so clean, and the guy was very nice. He helped me pick out my hash pipe. We will be using that shop in the immediate future. due to my amazing slide smashing skills.
Anyway, you get a lot of bang for your buck with hash. I also bought these tiny rolled balls of keif, I cannot remember what they are called, and the way they package it meant I had to tear the label off in order to open it. But sprinkling a bit on what you are using gives it an added kick.
I am really liking Purple Dragon hash right now. Also, bud from "Humboldt Hash Plant," another good pain killer. We are still hanging on to some Burgundy Goo, for my next killer migraine (counting down in 3, 2, 1...). Hash is good at prophylaxis, and for early onset of headaches, but once they are fully established, they probably make it worse. Although it helps vomiting no matter how severe or well established.
I then also made good old fashioned potato, meat, and onion hash, this time with cubed leftover tri-tip, chopped sweet onion, cubed yukon and russet potatoes, a bit of oil, and about a third cup of beef broth. Eggs sunny side over easy. Fat city, but so good. I hadn't made a good hash in years, and it is really something I could eat almost daily, if my heart didn't scream in agony. Kidding. I have "spectacular lipid levels," so says my neurologist. I also particularly love Corned Beef hash, but have never had the balls to make it, since bad corned beef is *so very bad.*
So at this point in the blog entry, I almost feel a little bit like saying, "Okay, let's get this next part over with." But I obviously enjoy it, so what the hell. Yes, I've been to Goodwill this week. Twice. I have pictures to prove it. In fact, Thursday I drove around for a while trying to find the Salvation Army that I had done so well at last time, before throwing up my hands, and going back to one of the bigger Goodwills instead (the one on Meridian).
I actually only have "outfit" pictures from Wednesday, when oddly, I wore two outfits. That is because it was quite chilly in the AM, and warmer in the PM, and I also was dressed to go "thrifting" as I am now learning it is called. That sounds so much more socially significant than compulsive shopper, don't you think?
So the AM outfit was to take DH to the bullet train, so he wouldn't have to take the bus in the cold. I went from there to Safeway, and did quite a large shopping trip. I bought a lot of "quick" meals, for reasons I will relate below. I also bought a lot of things we were running out of, but I am really pissed because I forgot the McCann's Steel Cut Irish Oatmeal. I actually am zipping through cans of that now that I have learned to soak the oats overnight. I still am eating them four or five times a week, and not tiring of it. Thursday I cut up some strawberries, a tablespoon of sugar, and some milk for my last serving, and it was out of this world. But that was the end of my supply.
This is what I wore for the drive to the train station, and grocery shopping:
Black cotton cable-knit sweater tunic (bit long on me, but I am short, and have an enormous chest), and a pair of boot cut jeans. I own one pair of carpenter pants, but all my other jeans are boot cut, just like them better. They are a very dark blue wash, so look black in this picture. It doesn't help that I am wearing my black "motorcycle" boots. Double semi-precious beaded necklace from It's a Girl Thing.
Anyway, while I was at Safeway, I decided I was getting grossed out by the house again. This is quite a feat, I am exceedingly hard to gross out. I bought all kinds of cleaning products for people who don't know how to scrub, plus some Drano to fix our bathroom sink, which was taking about 5 minutes to empty. I am kind of in cleaning mode, but it is really one item at a time, it isn't a frenzy. I did fix the sink drain, so yay me!
I also got potatoes for beef hash, which I planned to make from leftovers from the tri-tip we had. Oh, yeah, we had a marinated tri-tip roast with roasted potatoes on Sunday. DH was so happy to eat meat, even though he doesn't generally complain. I also got a couple of nicely sized russets for baked potatoes sometime this week. Hmm, need to check our sour cream, and see how it is holding up. Anyway, we rarely have big hunks of meat like that anymore, and DH was a very satisfied diner on Sunday night. Yesterday, I completely cheated and got a Safeway refrigerated meal, which I just had to heat up: rigatoni and bolognese. If you put tomato sauce on food, DH will likely be happy to eat it. Also those strawberries I mentioned strawberries and avocados (I eat about three a week). Plus, we have chicken and potato wedges. Man, heavy on the potatoes this week.
And a lot of candy.
I went home, put away groceries, and fed Violet. I only meant to surf the net for a bit, but I was kind of still feeling my oats because I haven't been having nearly the problems with my head that I was last week. I have been beyond relaxing the last few days, just luxuriating in the relative lack of pain. I haven't been migraine free, but I have been keeping them under control with the aid of both Big Pharma, and Cannabis. Then I remembered we had broken the slides, So I headed out to Smoke Stuff.
After that, it was still before noon, and I decided to do some "thrifting." I wanted to go back to the Salvation Army. But I got totally lost trying to find the Salvation Army I went to last time when I used Smoke Stuff as my starting point. When I came back home, and looked at a map, I realized I had merely been on the wrong side of the street. Gah. I had thought about trying to get there again today, but my head and ache-y legs have pretty much nixed that idea. Or, I could go to the Salvation Army just a couple of miles from here. People were a little ruthless at the Salvation Army, and shopped out of my cart once before I was aware of it: I have had that happen to me once or twice in Goodwills since then as well, so I guard my basket.
So, Wednesday afternoon, San Jose Goodwill, on Meridian. Fortunately, one of their biggest locations, because the whole reason I wanted to go to the Salvation Army is because it's HUGE. I actually am kind of amazed that I am able to keep straight in my head what I bought on Wednesday, and what I bought on Monday, but I can. I have to take a few more pictures, of the stuff from Monday. I know these aren't the greatest pictures, but it is hard to display this sort of thing without a manikin,
Anyway, I have learned to dress with a tank top under my clothes, so I don't have to compete for dressing rooms as much (there are mirrors here and there around the stores). I wore the same jean and boots, but a pink tank top, and a fasten-less cardigan in a synthetic knit of some kind, with a empire waist (one of my Monday Santa Clara Goodwill finds). Cardigans are easy to slip off and on, so I don't freeze between trying on clothes. I also wore my new-ish flower/pouf black headband, since I know my hair gets in my eyes pulling things off and on, and it is a quick fix. In both Wednesday's pictures, I am wearing a brown braided leather belt I also bought at the Santa Clara Goodwill on Monday.
I got a small black leather hobo purse, Wilson's. I already have the big black Wilson's satchel. The handle is asymmetrical, and has two metal links on one side.
A purple and violet pin-striped oxford blouse:
This was a cute find: A blue wool knit top with cable, an empire waist, and that nice collar.
This is a light wool short-sleeved lavender top, with an scoop, and embellished keyhole neck.
Here's the embellishment:
I am not bothering to include pictures of the plain black top, and the camel-colored top with the collar with the rather restrained embellishments.
So from Monday in Santa Clara, you have seen the Black empire-waist button-less cardigan thing-y, and I am guessing you can visualize a standard brown leather braided belt. Here is a mis-sized fabric brown and pink purse, the top stripe is pale pink, compared to the flowers:
It looks brand new, and I combine pink and brown a lot. Plus, a little black lace slip skirt:
I have reached this weird place with my wardrobe. First of all, I am being pretty ruthless at discarding things I don't wear, and stuff that looks ghastly in the pictures on this blog. That doesn't mean I won't wear something over-sized, like that tunic sweater (I'm calling it a tunic because it has side slits), but to be honest, I like how that looks, even if it isn't the latest fashion. So I have enough clothes, yet because of my weeding out and organizing what I have, I know really specifically where I have holes in my wardrobe. For instance, I do have one or two navy things. But I could really use navy shoes, and a purse. A pair of navy slacks wouldn't hurt either. I don't need them, but I know that I can certainly use them. This is allowing me to be both incredibly picky, and a little more outre in my choices, because I try on things that I think, "What the hell, I like it, maybe it will work on me." And about 15% of the time, I find something good, so since there is a lot of stuff to try on, I almost always walk away with a find.
So back to less frivolous and material things: I woke up today (Friday) morning with a slight headache. So a several day break, more than I had really hoped for. But it is back, I can feel it creeping around my skull. UGH. I have to say last week's Migrane-o-rama really took the wind out of my sails, both in the sense I can still tell am still recovering days later, and also in the sense that it seems to have put a hitch in my mood, I no longer feel like I am being sent by slingshot to every destination.
Okay, this post is just getting ridiculous, I can't even proof read it it is so long. Tomorrow, I want to talk about the riveting subject of home decor. Har.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Pain and Prolix
Well, I haven't posted in about a week, but I have a couple of reasons for that hiatus. Migraines and garrulousness.
First things first. I just have one outfit, from last Tuesday, Nov. 2. That day was the day of the election, and DH and I went to vote shortly after 8. I wore my vintage red crinkled maxi-skirt, with my olive green, mandarin collared blouse, with 3/4's length sleeves, and with a similar crinkle to the material of the skirt. Those are the ubiquitous black penny loafer mules again.
For accessories, I wore a signed Navajo silver animal totem necklace. The earrings are the little stone turtle-ish earrings, one of the few pair of posts I have purchased since I developed a nickel allergy. I even have a barely there rash along my glass stems, because they are metal. So that was an annoying allergy to develop in midlife, as it eliminated a lot of the costume jewelry that I, as a gypsy princess, love to wear.
Finally, I wore a bobby pin with a flower made of antique silk and wool (you can see a plaid on the wool) with a vintage button for the center. Very cute, another Wychbury purchase. Yes, that little craft business appears to hold me firmly by the short hairs.
After voting, I drove DH to work, since I had a neurology appointment in Palo Alto anyway. I already had awoken with a minor headache, and had thought about canceling my neurology appointment, but since I had to drop DH off at work in Menlo Park anyway, I decided to tough it out. So I stopped for a quick breakfast at Hobee's, then shopped a bit at Sur la Table. There I found a candy thermometer, which I actually did need: I had not been able to try a couple of candy recipes in the last few months because I never bought one. I always used my mother's. I also got this silicone mini mitt pot holder, which is awesome, and of which I intend to buy more of. I was able to easily lift a very heavy Le Creuset roasting pan, with a very secure feeling grip. I am probably going to use it as a stocking stuffer this year.
My neurology appointment was essentially a bust. Plus ça change, plus c'est le meme chose. He acknowledged that we are pretty helpless right now, so we are once again raising my propranolol. I won't see him until next year, and I am hoping it will be working by then. If it doesn't work, we are not able to go higher than my current dosage, as it would probably make me develop brachycardia, and become hypo-tensive. It looks like my pulse has adjusted to the previous dose, rising from about 52-4 beats per minute, to 69 beats per minute.
Just for the hell of it, I stopped at Kara's Cupcakes, which is in the shopping center abutting the medical clinic I use, and bought a dozen mini-cupcakes. I got Java, Meyer lemon filled, and banana carmel. Oh. My. God. That banana caramel is evil, it is sooooo good. By now, my head was really starting to hurt, and I wanted to just go home, but I decided I better stop at Lucky to pick up my new script, while I was up and about. But as usual, I hit them during their lunch hour, and they were closed. I was starting to feel too awful to stay.
So that evening was a bad evening, but cleared up before bedtime. When I woke up on Wednesday, however, I had THE WORST headache. It went on and on. It was horrible. The third day I still hadn't been able to eat, but I couldn't stop vomiting. Finally, I went to bed Thursday night, with the help of some Lorazepam (brand name Ativan). I woke up Friday without a headache, but it crept back over the day. Saturday I was in misery again. I haven't had one one Sunday or Monday, so I kind of feel like I am due one tomorrow. If I don't get one, I will get some mailing done I need to do (return stuff to Nordstrom, mail Sister2's birthday gift, and pick up a couple of bong slides, as both of ours broke from becoming brittle. Two of them, within 24 hours, not dropping them, or anything.
But one of my migraine patterns is that the number of migraines starts increasing in October, and then I have one practically every day of November. When I say practically every day, I am talking 5 or 6 days a week. They aren't all the worst migraine I ever had, although half of them are really, really bad, and a couple of them have come close to my top 10-20. I developed intractable (untreatable, or difficult to treat) migraine when I was 12, so I have had 35 years of headaches to work on the "winners" list.
Medical Cannabis has helped, but not always entirely squelched my pain (although it often does). During the 3 day migraine, it helped the first day, made it worse the 2nd day, and really helped the 3rd day, as at that point I was vomiting pretty frequently. A migraine can whoop ANY painkiller's ass, no matter its strength. Cannabis is safe, has not caused a single death in modern medical history, and I cannot overdose. But it doesn't always work. If that happens, I am utterly screwed.
So, ANYWAY, returning to the initial sentence about my hiatus, the first few days after my last post, I felt panicked. I had posted something I should not have. I have a propensity to do this when my mood is screwy. My blogs have caused me problems in the past: Once the problems were with a person who was my friend at the time, L. I blogged about what I (still) believe to be unwise choices on her part. It was truly stupid of me. Not to mention, pot, meet kettle. But I said what I did out of concern for her, although that doesn't mean it was okay to do. I just am saying, contrary to what some people thought, it was not meant maliciously, I was actually blogging about my concern for her. She is no longer my friend, although I hear about her from others. I was surprised to find that I am happier without interacting with this woman, and her circle, when I thought I would be lonely. So while it was upsetting for others, and myself at the time, it ultimately did me good. That didn't make it easier for my then friend to read. But I feel like she has made even worse choices since then, so it is good I am no longer involved with her.
Not to mention, she totally used and abused one of my dearest friends, after screeching foul because she was being held responsible for the consequences of her actions. That did make me feel much less guilty about any upset I had brought to her life with my blog.
The second incident was over a family wedding, BIL2 to my now SIL2. I was a bad actor, I blogged about my distaste for the details of my then soon to be SIL's wedding, especially, what I think were breaches of etiquette, about which I am a bit of a jerk. I also did a character analysis of her that wasn't very flattering. I did call her a Bridezilla, but I had never seen the show, and actually referred to myself as Bridezilla several times in my own planning. That show really found awful women, and I guess my SIL watches a lot of TV. I just repeated what I was told by DH after his conversations he had with his father and sister (SIL!) about it. But my SIL1 wouldn't cop to it, and claimed I was making stuff up. She also told DH he should probably divorce me.
That really, really was over the line, in my opinion. How dare she. She recently sent me a "friend request" on Facebook; I unfriended all my in laws after this because while I performed the precipitating event of the fight, no one would admit I was just repeating what I had been told. SIL1 & BIL1 accused me of lying. I think they just were embarrassed that the gossip obviously arose from discussions SIL1 had with DH and their father. Rather than admit that they were providing the information, which would have infuriated SIL2, they claimed I made shit up.
I agree that I should not have posted things that affected SIL2, I had no right to her story. Which is why I am trying to be careful about overtly exposing others to criticisms or consequences from my blogged outbursts of bad judgement. But I can always delete. SIL1 found my old blog about one day after I started it, and started emailing DH every time she saw something she didn't like, whether or not it had anything to do with the family. No way am I giving her access to this blog.
Anyway, it turns out I was apparently dead right about SIL2, according to SIL1's reports to DH, but she only relayed this to DH, months after the fact. She never apologized for calling me a liar, making fun of my bipolar illness, and urging my husband to divorce me. Now she just says "Let's be friends again, I miss you" in a Facebook message. I do not miss her, nor do I want her to access to my discussions with my friends.
So that's it.
First things first. I just have one outfit, from last Tuesday, Nov. 2. That day was the day of the election, and DH and I went to vote shortly after 8. I wore my vintage red crinkled maxi-skirt, with my olive green, mandarin collared blouse, with 3/4's length sleeves, and with a similar crinkle to the material of the skirt. Those are the ubiquitous black penny loafer mules again.
For accessories, I wore a signed Navajo silver animal totem necklace. The earrings are the little stone turtle-ish earrings, one of the few pair of posts I have purchased since I developed a nickel allergy. I even have a barely there rash along my glass stems, because they are metal. So that was an annoying allergy to develop in midlife, as it eliminated a lot of the costume jewelry that I, as a gypsy princess, love to wear.
Finally, I wore a bobby pin with a flower made of antique silk and wool (you can see a plaid on the wool) with a vintage button for the center. Very cute, another Wychbury purchase. Yes, that little craft business appears to hold me firmly by the short hairs.
After voting, I drove DH to work, since I had a neurology appointment in Palo Alto anyway. I already had awoken with a minor headache, and had thought about canceling my neurology appointment, but since I had to drop DH off at work in Menlo Park anyway, I decided to tough it out. So I stopped for a quick breakfast at Hobee's, then shopped a bit at Sur la Table. There I found a candy thermometer, which I actually did need: I had not been able to try a couple of candy recipes in the last few months because I never bought one. I always used my mother's. I also got this silicone mini mitt pot holder, which is awesome, and of which I intend to buy more of. I was able to easily lift a very heavy Le Creuset roasting pan, with a very secure feeling grip. I am probably going to use it as a stocking stuffer this year.
My neurology appointment was essentially a bust. Plus ça change, plus c'est le meme chose. He acknowledged that we are pretty helpless right now, so we are once again raising my propranolol. I won't see him until next year, and I am hoping it will be working by then. If it doesn't work, we are not able to go higher than my current dosage, as it would probably make me develop brachycardia, and become hypo-tensive. It looks like my pulse has adjusted to the previous dose, rising from about 52-4 beats per minute, to 69 beats per minute.
Just for the hell of it, I stopped at Kara's Cupcakes, which is in the shopping center abutting the medical clinic I use, and bought a dozen mini-cupcakes. I got Java, Meyer lemon filled, and banana carmel. Oh. My. God. That banana caramel is evil, it is sooooo good. By now, my head was really starting to hurt, and I wanted to just go home, but I decided I better stop at Lucky to pick up my new script, while I was up and about. But as usual, I hit them during their lunch hour, and they were closed. I was starting to feel too awful to stay.
So that evening was a bad evening, but cleared up before bedtime. When I woke up on Wednesday, however, I had THE WORST headache. It went on and on. It was horrible. The third day I still hadn't been able to eat, but I couldn't stop vomiting. Finally, I went to bed Thursday night, with the help of some Lorazepam (brand name Ativan). I woke up Friday without a headache, but it crept back over the day. Saturday I was in misery again. I haven't had one one Sunday or Monday, so I kind of feel like I am due one tomorrow. If I don't get one, I will get some mailing done I need to do (return stuff to Nordstrom, mail Sister2's birthday gift, and pick up a couple of bong slides, as both of ours broke from becoming brittle. Two of them, within 24 hours, not dropping them, or anything.
But one of my migraine patterns is that the number of migraines starts increasing in October, and then I have one practically every day of November. When I say practically every day, I am talking 5 or 6 days a week. They aren't all the worst migraine I ever had, although half of them are really, really bad, and a couple of them have come close to my top 10-20. I developed intractable (untreatable, or difficult to treat) migraine when I was 12, so I have had 35 years of headaches to work on the "winners" list.
Medical Cannabis has helped, but not always entirely squelched my pain (although it often does). During the 3 day migraine, it helped the first day, made it worse the 2nd day, and really helped the 3rd day, as at that point I was vomiting pretty frequently. A migraine can whoop ANY painkiller's ass, no matter its strength. Cannabis is safe, has not caused a single death in modern medical history, and I cannot overdose. But it doesn't always work. If that happens, I am utterly screwed.
So, ANYWAY, returning to the initial sentence about my hiatus, the first few days after my last post, I felt panicked. I had posted something I should not have. I have a propensity to do this when my mood is screwy. My blogs have caused me problems in the past: Once the problems were with a person who was my friend at the time, L. I blogged about what I (still) believe to be unwise choices on her part. It was truly stupid of me. Not to mention, pot, meet kettle. But I said what I did out of concern for her, although that doesn't mean it was okay to do. I just am saying, contrary to what some people thought, it was not meant maliciously, I was actually blogging about my concern for her. She is no longer my friend, although I hear about her from others. I was surprised to find that I am happier without interacting with this woman, and her circle, when I thought I would be lonely. So while it was upsetting for others, and myself at the time, it ultimately did me good. That didn't make it easier for my then friend to read. But I feel like she has made even worse choices since then, so it is good I am no longer involved with her.
Not to mention, she totally used and abused one of my dearest friends, after screeching foul because she was being held responsible for the consequences of her actions. That did make me feel much less guilty about any upset I had brought to her life with my blog.
The second incident was over a family wedding, BIL2 to my now SIL2. I was a bad actor, I blogged about my distaste for the details of my then soon to be SIL's wedding, especially, what I think were breaches of etiquette, about which I am a bit of a jerk. I also did a character analysis of her that wasn't very flattering. I did call her a Bridezilla, but I had never seen the show, and actually referred to myself as Bridezilla several times in my own planning. That show really found awful women, and I guess my SIL watches a lot of TV. I just repeated what I was told by DH after his conversations he had with his father and sister (SIL!) about it. But my SIL1 wouldn't cop to it, and claimed I was making stuff up. She also told DH he should probably divorce me.
That really, really was over the line, in my opinion. How dare she. She recently sent me a "friend request" on Facebook; I unfriended all my in laws after this because while I performed the precipitating event of the fight, no one would admit I was just repeating what I had been told. SIL1 & BIL1 accused me of lying. I think they just were embarrassed that the gossip obviously arose from discussions SIL1 had with DH and their father. Rather than admit that they were providing the information, which would have infuriated SIL2, they claimed I made shit up.
I agree that I should not have posted things that affected SIL2, I had no right to her story. Which is why I am trying to be careful about overtly exposing others to criticisms or consequences from my blogged outbursts of bad judgement. But I can always delete. SIL1 found my old blog about one day after I started it, and started emailing DH every time she saw something she didn't like, whether or not it had anything to do with the family. No way am I giving her access to this blog.
Anyway, it turns out I was apparently dead right about SIL2, according to SIL1's reports to DH, but she only relayed this to DH, months after the fact. She never apologized for calling me a liar, making fun of my bipolar illness, and urging my husband to divorce me. Now she just says "Let's be friends again, I miss you" in a Facebook message. I do not miss her, nor do I want her to access to my discussions with my friends.
So that's it.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Title added as afterthought
Sunday I ran a few errands. I wore my new pink/purple striped blouse, a pair of Lee jeans, and my black zip up motorcycle-type boots. I had my hair pulled back with a textured brown ponytail holder, and being over the top girly, wore a little pink and black kanazashi, you haven't seen these ones before.
I wore my calla lily pendant bead necklace, sparkly earrings and bracelet (you can barely see it, stage left).
Sunday, I got to do both shopping for necessities, and some fun spending. The first necessity was a trip to SBAC to pick up some hash. I am finding it is a much better "evening dose" than the cannabis, although it sucks for the acute pain. Then I want the buds.
I had a bit of Jack Herer, and purple grandfather
<snip>
So when I went to the SBAC, I picked up a gram of Purple dragon, a gram of Sour Diesel which was top shelf. I also got an eighth of Cotton Candy Kush, which even though it is a hybrid, is supposed to be as close to a heavy sativa as he had, even though he had sativas. Then because I had spent a minimum amount, I received a half gram of pineapple diesel hash as an incentive. Have I said how much I love this apothecary? They are so well priced, and they have incentive programs. Given the absolute hell of some of these migraines, and the fact I cannot get to an ER because DH cannot drive, I finally conceded I need a "knock me out cold" strength strain sometimes, and that is the Cotton Candy Kush. Until now, I had purposely avoided going into a coma, because I generally want to always be just a couple of hours away from sober. But migraines I consider ER worthy would mean I was as good as knocked out anyway.
The other necessities were a couple of Wacoal bras. That gives me four bras that are the right size, so that should be okay. Those suckers cost, but I have learned that you get what you pay for when it comes to bras; you save more money by making the initial investment than you do having to replace the cheapo bras every two months. The joys of big tits
Then I went to (wait for it)...Lush. WHeeeee! I still had about $70 on the Amex gift card, which I spentspentspent. Realize, I bought small pieces of everything but the shampoo, so I wasn't paying the prices on the website. I actually was almost out of my facial cleanser, Angels on Bare Skin. It will be gone by next weekend, when I am busy, and god forbid I run out for even one second. Although realistically, with all the headaches, I probably was wise to just get it over with on a day I felt okay.... I also wanted to get a makeup remover, since the cleanser doesn't do that. I wanted to see if they had a solid dandruff shampoo, and to buy some more jelly soap. They figured out a much better way of packaging the jelly, and it will be a lot easier to use.
I always tell them my age, because I want the products for aging. I am still vain enough to get a kick from the shocked look on their faces, since I don't look 47. So the cleanser recommended was Ultra Bland. The shampoo for dandruff is called Soak Float, so I got a bar of that, and a round tin to keep it in.
I also got some of their special "Day of the Dead" soap, Catrina, and the jelly the Calacas. So fun. And my gift card covered everything, with less than a dollar to spare.
<snip>
Ugh, this post is also showing bad judgement. But I feel like I needed to "discuss" it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)